Wow, sorry for your poor experience with people in hakamas. My hunch would people those people had that problem (arrogance, ego, etc.) long before they put on the hakama. As far as I can tell, those attitudes do not come with the material, thread, or pattern cut. So avoiding the hakama is not going to avoid the problem.
In Tenshinkai we wear the hakama with pride. Brown belts wear a blue hakama. Women can wear blue hakamas earlier for modesty resons if they want. Sorta old school.
IMHO, look closer at the people and the instruction, rather than the clothing.
Nidan Tenshinkai Aikido
Lucaylucay Kali JKD