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Old 04-02-2008, 02:37 AM   #33
dalen7
 
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Dojo: Karcag Aikido Club
Location: Karcag
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: When your family resents Aikido

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Update....

So.... I have been talking with my family and putting more of my focus towards them when I am home, and it seems to be making a difference. My husband still is not happy about me being out, but has stopped making disparaging remarks, and therefore the kids are taking a different tone. It seems that it will all work out (although I was kind of hoping to get to use my jo on them)

Thanks again for all the advice.
Being a husband and a father of 4, it is a bit disappointing to see that he is not being more supportive of you and taking a tone in which the rest of the family picks up.

I do not believe this 'manipulation' is intentional, but it never is.
Like a blood parasite - my tone sounds rougher than it is...that is the difference in writing and hearing a voice, by no means am I suggesting you have a bad husband!

but like a parasite we as humans tend to feed off of that around us.
This can get really philosophical, so I will end with that bit and try to use some different words as pointers.

The deal is, as my other post stated...is that in you now having your 'me' time, this does not mean to put even more pressure on yourself to perform at home for the husband and kids. (I.e., more cooking, cleaning, or whatever).

I can see that you would want to attempt to show that you are there by doing more...but its not the quantity, but the quality in what is done.

If you do more...to make up for your missing time...then you will burn yourself out as well.

Its easy to act out of the thought of concern for the family.
But your husband is a grown man, and your teenagers are pretty much grown too.

Space...
This is a good mantra to practice. Allowing each other to be where they are and accepting that.

Not sure if my post helped at all, but its more insight because these 'truths' we already all have in us...we just have to 'be still' to hear it.

Best to you and your family.

(truly this was not putting down your family, but merely saying that an individual has the right to do what they feel they need without someone trying to make them feel guilty about it. Of course most of these actions are on an unconscious level and the person is not trying to go out of their way to hurt you, but its an ego game.)

I can only suggest, to give more clarity to what I wrote...and direction, to listen to Eckhart Tolles audio book "A new earth" or join the Monday night Oprah/Eckhart classes while they are still going on.

Again, audio get better mileage than written as the written word can be so easily misunderstood...

What does Eckhart have to do with all of this anyway?
Well besides clarifying what Im trying to say...it gives a good insight into human nature...into aspects of ourselves that we were unaware of...but makes sense once you hear it.

When you get to know yourself, as the oracle at delphi said, then you will be able to let life live...and troubles arent that troublesome...and answers to deal with situations are just there when you need them. (You realize there is nothing you need to change outside of you, but that the journey is inward.)

I will stop now, as I feel that my words are not clarifying this a bit.

Either way, the best to you and your family!

Peace

dAlen
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