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Old 04-01-2008, 03:53 PM   #1
dalen7
 
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Dojo: Karcag Aikido Club
Location: Karcag
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 750
Hungary
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Recognizing the Ego...My time in Aikido

Hello everyone...I suppose it has been about 5 months since I last posted.

I took a break from aikido in the month of November of last year, after training for exactly 6 months.

Just started back today on April fools.

There was a number of things that inspired me to stop, but one, at the time that really was the straw that broke the camels back.

Those who have seen my post will know that I live in Hungary and really do not speak the language. Sure Im better than a tourist...but Im not at the level of a 5 year old...anyway.

This did cause issues, as I love to talk and express myself through words, etc. The issues, were more internal as I could not really express them. Sure I could have tried, but when you use base Hungarian thing can really be misunderstood and taken in the wrong way that is at a deeper level.

After 4 months of training some new people started up last Sept.
Well it was decided after a few weeks that they, along with me, would all take the 6th kyu test together...wait a minute...

I started basically at the same time as a dude who was already tested for 6th kyu but was going to take a test with people who had just started training. I was ready, and a couple of people (a 1st kyu) thought I had tested months back.

Again, language was the initial barrier in training, and a lot of concepts didnt really hit me until my 6 month. (Well lets just say, the concepts were pretty fluid...I was really getting into how to make the moves work...leveraging, balance, etc.)

Thankfully my reading and Aikido 3D CD helped me along or I would have fumbled around and gave up a long time ago.

Anyway...I never really expressed to my teacher my disappointment with what happened. i.e., people just start that are clumsy and dont have a clue, let along not even able to execute any form similar to the moves, and here I am going to test the same time as them.

Now words really dont come across well.
Sure if i was reading this i may quickly judge this post as someone who needs a bit of humility and that is why i was not tested.
Does go a lot deeper and words are tricky indeed, even amongst people who speak the same language.

So winter popped up, and it is chilly here...I could have tested in Dec., but I was put off with the idea that these other guys would rank up there with me. So I just stopped going.

Well, now they have 1 month edge on me...but after seeing them today realize that the gusto that I put into my first 6 months still gives me a clear edge. This is not about being better, and again...it can easily be taken that way when one reads what Im writing.

Getting past all that, I will say that in the beginning this whole experience with Aikido was good for me to watch my ego.

I feel it has gone to another deeper level.
There is a new guy, only been doing it for one month, and I caught myself thinking...I hope I dont get stuck with him.

Well, typically here people try to stay away from the new guys as they want to learn from someone more experienced or at least as experienced as them...and also who speaks their language even though there is not much talking on the mat.

But then I remembered what Eckhart Tolle said on Oprah (there is a weekly video online course every monday for free), and he basically said to watch what you are doing and how you are making what is happening now negative by the labels you wrap around it. -

Look for the good in what is happening now.
So then I did...instead of dreading the time with the new guy and waiting and wanting someone with more experience to practice with...I took the opportunity to make the best out of what was going on. After all practice is practice and teaching helps to solidify what you do and dont know.

I will say with a 5 month break I was rusty...and having only had 6 months traning before.

But this rebirth, or new beginning, was a lot different than the first time. Things popped up and I remembered why and how the techniques were to be implemented. The leveraging, balance, twist, etc.

Good news I found out...my teacher is now a 1st Dan black belt.
He passed his test on Sunday. I think he has trained for 10 years.

Supposedly you move up the first few kyus fast but takes longer as you get up. Well, except me...hehe...Im still at no kyu. (Well, I will say 7 since there isnt a 7.)

I do not doubt that he will have me test sometime...could be a couple months now...But the fact is the belt doesnt make the person.

See I knew this before. Especially with what I just shared in how my teacher, who has trained for 10+ years just got his first degree black belt....while others get it in 1, 3, or 5 years. (This dude can kick butt...lets just say that.)

So the concept was there, but the time off was good.
I had to deal with the ego that was there.
Face it, not run away...accept it, not reject it...and then make a conscious choice.

Is it gone...sure its not. But life is great and its good to get deeper and start to take the joy in life and really begin to experience it...not waiting for outside things to make me something or someone...or not waiting for some since of security by a label or test.

The true test is that which is within.

I picked up Aikido specifically for its spiritual practice.
Sure, depending on how this is read, you can take what Im saying a number of ways and say..."are you serious...doesnt sound like it to me."

But words carry with it a certain weight put upon it by ones own cultural and social and religious milieu...so we understand what one says through the grid system of our own perspectives...and lets face it, one post is hardly long enough to really express oneself on a deep level. A lot gets lost in words that are written.

Anyway, just thought I would share.
It was good to do some Aikido...maybe I can maintain and solidify some of this knowledge...both the spiritual and the actual training part of it...despite the fact i dont plan to need to use it...

Peace

dAlen
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