Thanks so much for the reminder. I need to read it over a few more times and let it sink in.
I do need to put my family first, I have been so intent on "becoming myself" that I may have forgotten what is really important.
"but I really really really want to practice!!!!"
Keep on practicing, but remember what's really important!
Keep the balance and if it's a struggle, always err on the side of favoring your family. So what if you manage to find yourself, but lose any one member of your family or simply drift apart emotionally if not physically?
What good is it to gain the world and lose your soul? The point I tried to make is that your practice is not limited to the dojo, your house is your real dojo. It is where your lessons and your new found skills ought to be "sinking in" most. It's where you really discover who you are and where your integrity matters most.
If Ueshiba's vision for aikido was to somehow bring peace into the world by transforming the way we interact and relate to each other, then ours should be first and foremost to bring that kind of thinking home into our own little world, where we really can make a difference.