Re: The Topic I never Wanted To Post
some of the answers you get you may not like - but they are the ones that are likely to be most honest.
Albeit with slightly less derision, I agree with Szczepan. The sweet spot for Aikido is not self defence. Confidence, fitness, the philosophy and tradition etc etc with some self defence application. If people are simply looking to fight an Aikido dojo is not the right place for them.
Ask yourself more honestly why *you* do Aikido. If some higher power was giving you a cast iron guarantee you would never get in a fight from here on in, would you quit? If the answer is no then clearly you are getting something else out of the training that is not simply self defence. Given the low statistical likelihood of you personally being attacked I would suggest you are probably getting something out of it that is more important than self defence. That's what you should be concentrating on offering in your dojo should you create one.
Second point. You seem to think your seniors "have it" but you don't because you can't handle attacks from non aikidoka. How often have you seen your seniors in a similar situation to what you've been experimenting with. You may be surprised that they don't fare terribly different - iow stop beating yourself up about it, it's probably not an issue with you at all.