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Old 11-26-2007, 11:29 PM   #45
Walter Martindale
Location: Cambridge, ON
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 761
Re: Problems in a dojo

Sounds to me like departure is probably the best solution. Have you discussed the situation with your friend(s) in the dojo?

I suspect that the people who are giving you so much grief are insecure in their abilities/knowledge, but...
If you decide that it's worth staying, the suggestions that you invite the unfriendly person for a beer, are good ones...
My way of doing it would be to order the drinks, do the "cheers" think in whatever language - (slaintiea (sp?), cheers, kampai, prosit) have a bit of a drink, and let the person know that you're quite confused, and would like to know what it is that you've done to cause such tension.

IMO, asking "who are you to talk to me that way" (paraphrased from your original post) was phrased in such a way that the other fellow didn't have much choice but to get a little more aggressive - publicly put on the spot (I know - he did the same). Sort of like "What's Your Problem, BUDDY!!" (precursor to a dust-up).

I think that, on that same day, if you'd gone to him privately and apologised for your mistake, asked what it was or where it was you should have done/been, he might have explained.

I think in some circles we say "Praise publicly, criticise privately" i.e., if you catch someone doing something "right" - jump up and down and say how great it is, but if you catch someone doing something wrong, wait til it's finished (unless there's danger involved) and let the person know quietly the nature of the mistake and the way to correct it.

(I think that's from "One Minute Manager")

anyway - if this sort of thing has been tried and failed, it may be time to cut your losses and try another dojo. Another has posted that if you find the same problems there, it could be you - if you find that the problem stays behind, it could be the people you've left.

Hope you get a good resolution.

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