It's so easy to fall back to the human "doing" rather
than the human "being" mindset. And if I am a human "doing", then "it's all about me". If I start thinking that "it's all about me", this is a good indication that my ego has once again seized the reins. I have read that the quality of my aikido is in inverse proportion to how much my life is ruled by my ego and the belief system that goes along with it. My ego wants to convince me that I am (terminally) Unique, that i'm different from everyone else. As long as I insist on maintaining this warped, isolationist view of individuality, how can I ever hope to effectively blend with someone else's energy? "That's impossible! I can't blend with you, I"M ME! I get frustrated, very very frustrated, to the point that I have to stop what I'm doing and sit. And I sit, quietly, I drop the ego, I take a deep breath, things start to flow, my aikido improves, my state of mind improves, I feel relaxed. "This is so easy, why didn't I just start from here in the first place?" I realize that this is how I like to feel. I make a vow to be like this all the time. 10 minutes later, It's all about me again. The great circle begins another revolution.
Why is easy so hard?
Maybe I'll read the Tao Te Ching online for a while now. For me, the definitive text on "being" v. "doing".