Re: losing control...
You are correct in that it is not easy. It's a struggle and again your the only one that can make the changes.
It's been, dare I say it, 24 years since I started in an attempt to correct my behaviors. The people that have known me over the past 20+ years can't see me the way I was. It rarely comes out in discussion and it's only when others around me are struggling too that I let them know that it can be controled.
Over the past 15 years of my marriage I would have to say I am in a lot better place than I have every been as it relates to my anger. I too have been worried about others seeing me as weak and what I have learned is that it really does not matter.
I keep my base solid and know where I am comfortable and where I am not in my own safety. When I am in a position that is not safe I work on removing myself from the situation.
What does being weak really mean? It's more of a perception than anything.
If a kid is pestering you and you stop giving them the satisfaction of getting a reaction what do they do? Go find something else to do that might be more productive and get positive attention?
You are never alone in this struggle and there are more people out there that can offer support than you think.
Feel free to yell my direction anytime.