Re: losing control...
This is a good post. This is something I have dealt with in the past and have been working really hard over the past couple years to real it in even further.
The first attempt at calming me down was done in Wrestling in High School. This was a way for me to get my anger and frustration out. But. . . . .What I realized after a few lessons from the coach was. . . . . That as soon as you loose control. . . . . . You loose.
If you don't keep a level head you don't think straight. You end up loosing in many ways. If you win the Fight you end up loosing the battle as you process what happened afterwards. You do exactly what you are doing now which is second guess yourself and question if you were right or wrong in your actions and did you take it to far.
The second attempt to calm was after I got married and my wife told me I needed to get involved in something physical that would get me focused on anger management. This worked and allowed me to remember what I was taught in high school.
Over the last couple years I have been focusing the mental part even more. What I have learned is what does it really matter. People can say things about you all they want. It's how it hits home to you.
Think about this.
If you are short and your buddies call you shortie or as I call my daughter Runt. How do you react?
Usually if it's from people you know really well and know they are not trying to push a button you just chuckle or say "Hi or What or etc"
If someone you don't know or don't trust says these things to you what is your reaction?
I would be it's simular to what you are experiencing.
You have to really start to look at yourself and how you process these types of triggers and how you deal with them.
You can only change yourself so the focus is on how you react to these triggers not what the other person does or says to you.