I am new to the Aikiweb Community and have been thru this exact thought before. <snip> Thanks to this forum I see that I am not alone in my quest.
Welcome to to both Aikido and Aikiweb Erik. I suspect we all go through periods where we need to ask ourselves "What Exactly Are We Practicing Here?" It's probably a good thing as it allows us to reflect on where we are and where we want to go at rather than mindlessly heading up the mountains one rote step after another.