Dojo: LBI Aikikai/LBI ,NJ
Location: Barnegaat, NJ
Join Date: Sep 2001
Budo ... The internal demons
I have reconsidered the internal demons from another perspective ... ill health, disease, injury, and the emotional breaks of continuity that follow.
Although we may think we are always in control, able to make sane, clear decisions, that is not always the case. Through numerous posts, I find that Chuck and I, although we may differ in the tone of writing and have differences of opinion, have a simular battle of injury and Meniere's disease. (let alone we have many of the same skills, although mine came later in life after a lifetime of brute force.) Meniere's is insidious because of its physical pains, along with emotional trauma that sometimes causes depression, varied responses that have classified as paranoia/ schitzofrenia, not easy to deal with as an internal demon?
Classically, most people are able to recognize radical behavior that deviates from normal behavior of our society, not so with this undercurrent, sometimes it causes complete personality changes which can range from paronoia, to raging bull ... depending on the particular situation. The demon, which is all of us, is just a little harder to control or recognize as it really is a lifelong effort to fight back urges of thumping people, or in my case, seeing if they bounce? (Something I promised my wife I wouldn't do after I got married.) Point being, we are force to recognize, name, and try to control these demons before they control us?
What I wanted to bring to your attention, is that we all have to face these demons of revenge, overconfidence, rage, and just plain letting it all go without proper restraint because the mind is clouded with whatever emotional baggage you carry that day?
The Iroquois, Haudenosaunee (people of the long house), were taught by Deganawidah to clear the mind, and wipe away the tears. Just as O'Sensei speaks of clearing the mind to the Universal harmony, this is another way to get to the same point. The difficulty of trying to reach this point, with illness or disease, is that we don't have the luxury of becoming well in body, while fighting the chemical imbalance that continually sneaks up on us, The DEMONS.
I have had more than a year to reflect, write, and try to recognize the physical, and some of the triggering demons that have haunted me for more than thirty years of my adult life because they were unidentified, hidden. In that search, with tricks, mistakes, and numerous unintended offenses over the years to my fellow human beings, I began to identify some of these demons ... although the explanation of Meniere's identified the triggers and culprits to a clearer mind.
That is the greatest tradgedy of our time ... allowing the inner demons to take over, without confronting them, identifying them, and learning to understand how they affect our mind, body, spirit.
Never be afraid to apologize, whether you were right or wrong. Don't let those demons destroy the relation of your practice, your friends of Aikido, and lead you to a practice that is purely based on either hatred or fear?
The Haudenosaunee have the right thoughts ... clear the clouded mind to truly see what is, what can be, and what will be.
Whether you find that clarity by meditating, religion, practice, or whatever it takes to clear away the smoke, what I call Brain Fog, find it once and remember it. Just knowing you can think with clarity, clearness ... will be what O'Sensei calls " ..the sword that cuts through the darkness!" (paraphrased, I can't remember the exact quote, damn Meniere's!)