Re: Getting very discouraged, need your help.
Just a couple of thoughts. THere are some that do focus on a more martial aspect of aikido and even train for UFC type matches (Jason DeLucia I believe).
Another thing to consider is maybe your reasons for studying have changed. If you truly want to get in the octagon and mix it up you'll need at least to do cross training. If that is your goal. Another approach and one used by my sensei in the past is to train with guys from other arts and test your aikido against them and then try to figure out what to change to make it work against their arts. If you are only trying to do aikido, then your experience against other options or attacks or styles is limited. Perhaps figuring out how to make your aikido work against other styles might be the fix.
Most people never use their art for self defense. You train your body in case you do have to use it. So why train if the likelihood of ever getting into a hand to hand combat situation is remote? Perhaps the pursuit of the discipline and the higher ideals and philosophy are what you are really seeking. Unless, of course, you are out there picking fights or putting yourself in situations where altercations will occur. Personally, I'm proud to say that I have not been in a fight since grade school and I absolutely have no interest in getting into the octagon. However, I do have several taekwondo students from time to time with black bets that like to test one's mettle. That and occasionally students who are tremendously strong physically that make techniques a challenge. For me, that is enough. I also always teach with the martial perspective-I show the openings, pressure point strikes, etc.
Perhaps the best thing to do is sit down and re-examine your motives and goals for studying aikido. If the art no longer matches your needs or purpose, then you might want to explore other arts.