Personally, I don't think language choice has anything to do with "aiki"...but that's just me.
As to women in aikido...there is a women in the dojo where I belong who is 3rd Dan (last time I checked) and her aikido is really good...but I made the mistake of introducing her to my GF as a 3rd dan without mentioning that her husband was also (who was sitting right next to her).
She corrected me...nicely.
I got the feeling that I came across as patronizing...which I didn't desire, but somehow did just the same.
I got to train with a female aikidoka in France who was as strong in aikido as just about anyone I've trained with of her rank. Is that patronizing? I don't mean it to be. I wish I could have taken ukemi from her teacher...she was amazing...probably one of the strongest budoka I've ever been in the room with.
I don't know...maybe all this he she black white stuff is just silly at some point. Maybe it's important too...
Best,
Ron (sorry Jun...)