Re: Kotegaeshi as an expression of love
If you think about it the use of Kote-Gaeshi was mainly derived from the disarmament of an attacker who was intent on taking your life. Usually involving a Katana or Tanto and I'm sure an assortment of weapons including empty hand but I'm sure not so often. You could say, I chose not to break his arm or his wrist or cut him in half but stopped him and his intention and hopefully gave him the opportunity to change his ways.
I think what he meant was the original intent of Budo is to cultivate and promote Compassion and brotherly love and harmonious spirit that is why martial arts where created. To save lives not take them, it's not enough to stop someone from hurting you but to respond with Evil is not the way. Evil begets Evil.