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Old 12-30-2001, 06:03 AM   #6
Dojo: Ki Aikido, Brixton Unitarian Church
Location: UK, London
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 13
Hi Colleen,

Ok, I'll try far less flattery next time. Sorry! Because, it's good to be perfectly open, honest, frank, too, as well.


I liked your writings...because, of mainly 2 reasons...

1) I saw you wrote in an awful lot of replies...and, that takes plenty of time, and, effort, as well as, the 'friendly' desire of wishing to open up, and, communicate with others.

(Sometimes, martial artists can be very highly secretive.../and, even seem to be totally closed off from all the rest of society.../or, indeed, do act very closed off towards mere underlings like myself.)

And, of course, I also deeply appreciated the fact that you were the first one who ever replied to me, as well. As, i really wasn't quite sure if anybody, atall, was even going to notice my post? Nevermind, be intrested in reading through it all...especially, as I'm sure you've, already, noticed...nearly everything I write is, most unusually, long...a dreadful habit I've carried with me onto the internet from ever since schooldays sitting in English classes...where others would write in just 1 or 2 sides of paper...and, I would write in, at least, 8 sides long!

However, certainly, without responses...I don't think any message board would be worth posting to, atall...because, it's the replies to one another that, truly, makes the message board thing go with a swing.

2) I noted that through having read some of your replies...that you seem to have a lot of experience in Aikido...apparently, you've been to many different tend to go, regularly, too...and, are pretty damn knowledgeable...knowlegeable enough to be able to give in-depth answers to nearly all-comers.

Both of these things are highly impressive, to well as, the obvious intelligence, and, wit with which you write. But, does any of this sound like mere flattery to you(most probably, I guess)?! Sorry, then...; but, to me, I swear, it's only the simple TRUTH!


Again, in my last response, I wasn't being entirely untrue with you, neither...just maybe overdoing the praises a bit...the truth is I really do admire your example of being such a persistently loyal martial arts student...something which, at this moment in time, I really don't believe myself to be, well and truly, capable of?! In fact, I constantly, STRUGGLE like MAD with it...

I keep on making so many promises to myself that I will go and attend martial arts classes-and, then, find I just didn't do it?! Then, I feel a sort of deep SELF-HATRED inside myself...and, say to myself, what a COMPLETE COWARD I am!!!

My excuses were...I was too late...I completely mind was fully concentrating on other things, at the time(a book/tv/college homework/internet)...something else far more important came up...I felt mentally far too ill at ease to even go out the door(felt too shy/or, that I looked far too ugly-just not quite, right)...I was totally lacking in self-confidence to attend...I strained some muscle, somewhere.../or, had back pain-didn't wish to make it any worse by being thrown down to the mat on my back...I felt much too unfit-as I hadn't been training, regulary, and, thus, didn't wish to go looking like a fool who can't even move around, freely and easily, much too stiff-so, I need to stay in and exercise more...I was physically ill(cold/flu-don't want anybody else to catch it)...I got scared...was deeply worried I might get hurt...I thought somebody(or, people) in the class didn't like me, and, I don't wish to go running into them, anymore...I forgot to wash my kit(gi) in time.../-etc.

In short, my list of reasons which I can invent for not having attended classes is absolutely endless.

Therefore, when I say I deeply admire your sheer persistence in having attended so many classes...I wasn't just kidding you...seriously, I'm impressed...nor am I saying this just purely to please much as saying it to sort of help inspire myself to try and emulate your own example.

I know if I could do the exact same thing that you did...go to class everyday(if I could afford it, as I'm unemployed.../or, is that just simply another excuse, I wonder?!)...I would feel tremendously proud of I've added an entirely new dimension onto my life...the fact is, I'm most incredibly lazy; and, don't have any tremendous sense of loyalty to any one single martial arts style, club, or, teacher. My only loyalty is to myself, alone, and, to how I'm feeling at the time. If I feel like it I go...; if not, I won't/don't go. That's it!

But, I also know I NEED to find a strict sense of DISCIPLINE, badly. However, when I've always lived my whole entire life in a wholly UNDISCIPLINED way...therefore, as they say, bad old habits are really hard to break! And, boy, don't I know it...

But, I do tend to have HIGH AMBITION to whatever GOALS I've set myself in life. But, without having the necessary SELF-DISCIPLINE underlying those goals...then, all I'm left with is a whole series of merely EMPTY DREAMS!!! And, deep down feelings of experiencing utter what did I do with the whole of last regards to moving towards my martial arts goal to acheive more...the answer is I pretty much WASTED it!

Waste TIME...; and, TIME will waste you...; then, before you know it your DEAD! And, thus, can't acheive anything, all of your precious TIME has completely run out, already. I dont want all of my precious TIME to completely run out on me, yet, before I've acheived even any of my goals. And, one of my goals is to do well in martial gain mastery, in fact. But, I also read it somewhere...before you can learn to master first have to learn how to master yourself. And, many times, I wonder will I ever EVER learn to MASTER myself?! In my own case, perhaps, the only opponent, really and truly, is the self!!!


I do think it's a really good idea to practice writing things down, though...; it might, also, be useful to do a few stick man sketches to clarify the words-in case one a more physical form of aide memoire...; but, all I will need to remember is to take along a notebook, and, pen(that works?!), as well as, my training kit(gi).

Again, thanks very much for all of your excellent advice.

GOOD LUCK! Take care!

-(It's calls me, today...I've already missed both morning masses, 9am/11am...will have to make up my mind not to miss the last mass of the day which is, later on, this evening, 6:30pm...I was brought up strictly Roman Catholic(have been both baptized/confirmed) -but, I'm no longer so strict-...that's another place I haven't been going along to, much too regularly, neither! Maybe, I should try becoming Buddist or something...I could do almost anything for a change...the last church I visited I think they were Pentecostal...I preferred the much less formal type of church service...drums/guitars/instruments/pop music...which was a hell of a lot more FUN!)

Maybe, that's what I love about Aikido, too...compared to the rest of the martial arts...I somehow seem to find Aikido to be the most FUN! With the atmosphere there being just a lot more warm, friendly, laid back, and, relaxed...and, just a lot less cold, overly stuffy, stiff, and, dead formal.


Bye4now!/BEST wishes, always!/-Paul(UK/London)

PS: Have a NICE day!
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