Derek Gaudet wrote:
I think David is trying to say, that a desire for training is not important. Even if you enjoy training, the desire is not necessary. If commitment is based on desire, then what happens when desire is temporarily lost?...well commitment is temporarily lost. Commitment should not be temporary, or it is not true commitment. However, if we want to train it is convenient to us when we have to train, therefore the desire of training is only convenient to need of training. If we understand, that we only have a lifetime to focus on something as large as Aikido, then to even attempt to understand it will take commitment, meaning weather we want to or not, we train. David was saying that Aikido training to a serious practitioner should be like breathing, one does not desire to breath, they simply do. Now I understand anyone could say "I desire to breath" , not true, you desire to live, breathing is innate. Therefore if we simply train, and understand that we train regardless of how we feel that particular day (I.E. "I feel lazy so I'll stay at home", or "I just don't want to"), then in the end it does benefit us. No one "desires" to "screw up" or have a "Bad night", or take a hit, whatever, but all those are part of training, and we accept them as such. Well that's my attempt at understanding David's post.
Thank you, it makes much more sense when you don't talk like a robot. And I understand entirely what you are trying to say. However, i don't agree that Aikido, in full, should be involuntary like breathing. There are certain principles that i think should "be like breathing" , and those principles are still with me throughout my everyday life, so in a sense, they have become involuntary. But the physical aspect of Aikido (which involves attending practice) is not involuntary to me, nor do i think it really should be. I think the physical part is the part that should be chosen, and right now I am not choosing to go to practice. Reason? Solution? Thats why I'm on Aikiweb right now.
And at some point I do intend on going back, whether it's by choice or by force, simply because i do consider myself committed and i think it would do me good.
Derek Gaudet wrote:
It tells me your looking for a reason either to justify your "Leaving", or reinforce your "Staying", but only you can make this decision. ,
Well, i don't think you used the right words here. Either that, or you're not saying what i'm trying to say.
I'm not trying to "justify" why i left or why i should go back, I'm simply discussing the possible reasons of why i have taken such a long break. Not only that, but just getting others' opinions on the subject and seeing what other experiences people on here may have had with this.
You're right though. In the end, it is my decision and it will be my decision, but there's nothing wrong with some simple discussions on a public forum , while i weigh things out in my mind.