Hmm... i agree absolutely that as uke, its not our job to frustrate our nage with superstrong grips. I also subscribe to your thoughts on gradually increasing resistance according to the skills of nage. Beginners won't have much of a problem with me, but only if they perform the technique according to its form. (at their level, form is more important then function). But at 4th kyu and above I put in more resistance to make it harder for them to do techniques wrongly.
However this somewhat arbitrary type of gradual increase in resistance is quite troublesome when training with strangers (ie other dojos) since you can't really tell their skill levels from their belts. I suppose in that atmosphere, your suggestion for uke to ask nage on their difficulty preference would be most applicable. I do however think that whatever the case maybe, nage at 1st kyu and above must be able to handle the extreme most resistance from any uke. Otherwise, his/her belt isn't worth anything and he/she might be an embarrasment to the sensei. What do you think?
I don't feel pressure points much either, and I have pretty big arms, so I think it's just pain tolerance that makes the difference.
and... not another one that doesn't feel pressure point pain. Is it just yonkyo or have you girls tested the other points in your arms and body? I've met some ppl who can virtually shrug nikyo's off because of their flexibility. I guess thats just good training for me not to take for granted that all our techniques would work for an attacker.