Lyle Bogin wrote:
Regarding Ruth's problem, perhaps the simple answer is the guy was being a jerk. The trap of the martial arts is to start blaming yourself for other people's problems. The classic example is when a martial artists insists that the fight you got into at some point could have been avoided, essentially blaming the victim for having to defend themselves.
If the guy knew what he was doing and wanted to teach Ruth what to do, then strong arming her a bit would be appropriate, and George's response would be dead on. But that's not what he was doing.
I'm going to second Kyle, here. If the guy did not have the intent to help her out, then he's just being a jerk. What can Ruth do to deal with someone who is just acting up? First, I know it's really hard to get over that frustration. It's also frustrating to hear from those bigger guys to tell you to not get frustrated. I'm sorry, but I don't really think they know what the big deal is.
The other response to Ruth, that I agree with, is that sometimes the bigger guys just don't realize their own strength. I will also add that even at 4th kyu he might still have fear of taking ukemi, which causes them to stiffen up and resist. They are likely not to admit that fear, but it's still in their head.
Finally, he might be testing "the effectiveness" of the technique by testing you. He sees you as smaller and more advanced and perhaps thinks you can handle it. There are times that I get this and then these guys (usually newer) get up all smiles. But most of the times these guys have real good attitudes and ask for more when they get up.
Oh, and Ruth, if you really felt he was a jerk, trust your intuition -- as that is the first line of self-defense anyway, and you don't want to unlearn that.