Ruth McWilliam wrote:
So what happens when some big chump grabs you and powers up his muscles to effectively stop you moving in any direction you try to move?
I had this happen recently, where a 4th kyu guy and I were doing a back stretch technique, and he couldn't figure it out too well, so he decided to overpower me so I couldn't even try to do it myself
I asked him if he was going to let me do the backstretch, then sensei clapped so I turned away from him and scooted back to the side of the mat without bowing (which I know was rude, but the 4th kyu was rude first)
I know I could have gotten him to move by aiming my knee at his testicles, but that's not going to teach him not to be a jerk. I just hate it when people take advantage of my good nature on the mat like this
This is just another training opportunity... he was being a butt... you get pissed off. You are pissed, not really because he was a jerk, but because he showed you that you aren't yet as good as you'd like to be. If you were better, he wouldn't have been able to do that to you... This isn't a failing or a value judgement, it's just a statement.
He got you on two levels... first, he got you on the technical level. You couldn't move him. Depending on the level of experience you have and the relative size and strength mis-match he presented to you, that might have been completely expected.
But he also "got you" on the emotional level. You "contracted" around the emotional attack he gave you by trying to make you smaller. You got pissed off because you bought into it, you let him and now you are mad at him. You talk about people "taking advantage of your good nature". That's just a relection of your own perceived vulnerability. If you are confident and centered in yourself, his being a jerk simply means he doesn't "get it". It should have no effect on you since it has nothing to do with you.
These interactions, which we all have, are opportunities to see what we need to work on to be better.