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Old 01-31-2006, 10:07 AM   #1
Dojo: Kododan Aikido USA
Location: Radford Virginia
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 200

Totall not aikido, but I had to laugh:
  • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
  • If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
  • Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
  • Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
  • 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.
  • Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
  • Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
  • Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.
  • Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
  • Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
  • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer f*#$@ hates lemonade.
  • When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
  • Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
  • Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
  • Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
  • People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
  • It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
  • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.
  • When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
  • Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better f*#@ do it.

jon harris

Life is a journey...
Now, who took my @#$%! map?!
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