I will be honest - but not proud!
Well.... I am afraid that I must admit that I have a very frail mind. The reason I took up Aikido is as follows:
In grade school I took up Shotokan Karate - I practiced on and off for about 5 years and reached brown belt. It was okay, as long as I stayed out of combat practice and sticked to Kata and and basic training. Then I moved to a new town and tried out a new Dojo - but since they praticed combat a lot more than I had done I mannaged to get in way over my head and found myself almost reduced to tears within the first hour by a very agressive blackbelt. I never returned. After a while I swithed to Kendo (loved the equipment - hated the attitude). Once again I hit a wall of agression - this time I was LITTERALY reduced to tears during class by a very nasty black-belt. I mannaged to cope with my fear and build up a hard shell around my otherwise very gentle personality and acutally get to 1. kyu in Kendo. At one time though, somebody had shown me a video from a japanese display of Aikido and I still remeber that I for a whole evening could think nothing but "I want to be able to do that".
A couple of years later I actually took up Aikido, and from the first time I knew I had found a MA that didn't collide with my non-agressive personality. Unfortunately I tend to overreflect my practice (I'm very verbal in my way of dealing with life) so after each two-hour class I spend hours reflecting and thinking. It began to take my mind off my university studies and in the end I was forced to take a break from Aikido..
So much for my lifestory - however I feel pretty bad about myself but I must admit that my primary goal when it comes to Aikido is that "I want to be able to do that". It's prob. not the 'correct' reason according to everything I read in this group, but I don't seem to be able to come up with something better.
Actually (And yes! I am so ashamed) I really really want to teach Aikido - I can't explain why - maybe it's pure vanity, but that's why I just about every day want to go back to classes. My wife is very supporting, so I will give it yet another try. Perhaps this time, I can mannage to evolve into a less selfcentered person with less focus on achivement.
Gee... that kinda turned into the extended version - sorry!