Just wondering...my sensei has a pretty basic statement about rank and testing. No matter what it is , "wear your rank". On that note, heading into my first belt test, I don't feel worthy of the club's aikido, like I'm doing it justice. I'm very new to aikido, having done Judo and Jujitsu, and feel this is the best path for me. We stress "ki" in our technique, and I'm a big strong bull,
, so I'm still battling my ego with strength vs. harmony, when practicing the techniques. I like what is going on with me, (spiritually) and I'm feeling like a belt test now would only do the club dishonour. I believe that some of my feelings touch on statements on previous posts. The aikido has been changing me for the better in more ways than one, and the belt testing is not important to me at this point. So why am I so nervous, and worried?? I have graded in more intense and demanding situations but this upcoming test (6th kyu) is keeping me up nights for the reasons mentioned above. Is this normal to feel this anxiety? My sensei is clear about failing students, and he will do it. That doesn't worry me either. I want to learn. If I don't know what is going on, then I don't deserve the rank, right? Anyways , thanks for reading and if it made any sense
then any replies or input would be welcome.