Re: High level power abuse
Ahhh, the complexities of abuse of power. I have many observations none of which make me comfortable.
I do disagree that he should mind his own business. By bringing it into the dojo and getting caught the instructor and student have made it the business of others. Even if we assume this is a consensual relationship, it is very complicated as it could not only destroy the dojo but the families involved as well. It has definitely upset the delicate balance of relationships within the dojo family. I get the impression the sensei and student are aware of Frank's catching them.
To me, this was a stupid move on both their parts. Strong words but I find it down right dumb. If you are going to misbehave, at least have enough common sense to keep it outside the dojo-rent a motel. It sets a bad tone for the values of the dojo: lack of discipline, lack of respect, abuse of power.
Lack of discipline-if a mutual love relationship has developed then go through the proper channels. Get divorces from your respective families and then pursue your relationships.
Lack of respect-lack of respect for the art and dojo and the members of the dojo in addition to personal lack of respect for oneself.
Abuse of power-no matter how you cut it, the instructor is in a power relationship and has abused that relationship. With positions of authority come responsibilities and expectations.
Good luck on this one. If it were me, I'd talk to the instructor and the involved student privately. I'd let them know I did not appreciate their involving me in the situation whether they intended to or not. I would let them know I expect them to fix the problem. Then, most likely, unless it was my only option, I'd seek out another place to train. I don't think the relationship could ever be the same since I would have lost respect for the instructor. But that's just me. I also wonder how many others are aware of or suspect the situation.