David Valadez wrote:
Rather, we are left there almost dumbfounded, but this dumbfoundedness takes place not only intellectually. It also occurs emotionally and physically. In other words, at a common sense level, we are present but we are present having no idea of what to do or of how to do it and we are not even really sure why what is occurring is occurring.
It's late again but I want to write before going to bed... this was very very recognizable from my experience last time with the wing chun guy. After this paragraph you lost me.
Tonight, another partner again. After a while, she observed that after the first blow I started looking angry. I hadn't realized that, but right she was, it was another variation of hardening my gaze again. It didn't help either, as of course it wouldn't, she could keep entering. I tried to soften my yes and accept the attacks, and again had the experience of suddenly having much more space and time in which to move.
Describing what I mean with softening my eyes... looking with acceptance, accepting that yes, someone is going to hit me and they are going to succeed, but not getting stuck (not feeling defeated) with that idea either, just as not getting stuck with the idea that I should do something about it. Just acceptance seems to be enough. The way I call the difference to myself is being stuck or being free, I also feel physically freer to move when I am... not stuck. It's accepting the attack on a different level than ever asked for in our normal training, because usually, the attack is prescribed and so it's not necessary to accept it, emotionally.
Actually getting hit doesn't feel all that disturbing, up to a point, anymore. I kinda like it.
Up to a point...
Deflecting was on the border of possible. It is distracting, I get stuck again by the need to move my own arms. I start to plan, and that takes me away from what is happening.
David, when you do these drills, how long do you spend on them in one go, more or less?
My partner remarked that in order to keep attacking she had to tell herself "That is not Pauliina". I found that slightly disturbing.
I'm starting to get bothered by my ...mental state when we are doing ordinary kata training. There is so much going on, so much internal noise that I haven't been aware of.
I'm falling asleep typing, better go to bed.