"Off-the-mat" or applied aikido may be helpful to you. Dobson and Miller's, "Aikido in Everyday Life" was an early book in the field, that is still a good place to start. They present a bunch of aiki options, other than smiling an walking away.
I work part time for Aiki Extensions a non-profit who specialize in this area, we have a bunch of articles available free on-line:
Paul Linden's articles are accessible and well worth a read.
PS - If your partner is interested we also do work with police.