Originally posted by MikeE
Has anyone (teacher or student) had to deal with a situation like this? How did you handle it?
Hi all. I've read all that you've said on the subject and there's not much I can add.
This is a serious situation though, as this student must overcome this hurdle to even be called a true Aikidoka. Masakatsu Agatsu - true victory is self victory (easier said than done though
From what I've read, it may be a unique ego problem, where she utilises perfectionism to mask her fear of failure or any other fear she might have. It looks more like this person had this problem from way before they even started MA. I'm sorry, but you may have to take on the Psychologist role for this one.
A good understanding of this sort of thing can be gleaned from a novel called "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. It's a novel about human spiritual evolution and awakening and it defines 4 "control dramas" which we ALL use as an excuse to avoid facing certain elements of ourselves that we need to harmonize with in order to evolve. This person seems to be showing a mixture of the "aloof" and "poor me" control dramas, which you will understand better from the book.
Some of my students have problems like this (albeit not to this extreme). I tend to let all kyu grades of around the same rank do the techniques of their grading as if it were normal practice. Then I would let them all do it over again, at the same time, this time imagining that it was an actual grading... proper zanshin and everything.
This creates an environment where there is movement all over the mat, allowing the students to feel less self aware. I focus however, on the person that has the confidence problem and use the information gained as if it were an actual grading.
If I'm not assured of their ability at that point, I give it a week and do it again. This way you can grade an entire group of students without making them aware of who you are focusing on at any particular day.
After that I show up with belts one day and tell them that they had a grading.
I hope this helps somewhat in your situation.