Lynn Seiser wrote:
IMHO, the Dojo is ... to practice ...martial arts... not for dating...you meet someone of interest ... take it outside...ranking system...in a Dojo that assist in training ...[present] obstacles on the mat. Outside [the Dojo], its ...a healthy relationship. Be careful.
I kind of disagree, and think it would be impossible to take it outside the dojo.
If this is true then what about married couple? Are they to pretend they are not married when on the mat. Leave their marriage on at the dojo door? Wouldn't there be the same or greater obstacles in the ranking system you speak about too? Why the concern for single people?
Should parents stop coming to the dojo. If you teach kids you know parents can say things like why isn't their little Johnny a purple belt yet? Or they think their little Emma should have tested with the rest of the kids. Then there is the pressure put on by the over zealous parents. You might have any where from 1-5 such parents. I think it is unrealistic that any sensei isn't going to give in at some point or another. Talk about "ranking system within a Dojo that assist in training" and the obstacles. Teaching kids and their parents is nothing, but obstacles. I would think single adults and dating issues would be cake.
Any issue married people forming a relationship on the mat are twice that of single people. Really, if you boil it down, married people bring more to the mat then those not married. Marriage is simply a longer term commitment and it costs more that dating.
Can you stop people from falling in love? Is it moral or ethical to try and stop people from love? How can you really tell people to take love, affection, or lust outside? Love and attraction are some of the strongest abstract emotions contained to individuals. These emotions are not tangible objects that can be removed from the dojo like a smelly pair of shoes. I don't think you can tell people to take it outside. I don't think that is possible. I don't think people will not
be influenced by or act up emotions and feelings of love, attraction, etc. because we are human and wired to do so.
With this said, I am not advocating the flinging of gis and a passionate embrace as a result of unbridled passion from doing kotegaeshi. I think your going to have to deal with the obstacles. In the majority of the cases these obstacles are minor for people who date on the mat. I can think of worse situations that present greater obstacles and issues, i.e. Japanese politics and protocal.