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Old 05-17-2005, 11:23 AM   #1
"jon"
IP Hash: 9d7f5996
Anonymous User
Triangle Aikido A Place to Find True Love?

This thread is a spin and hopefully a place to discuss female and male dating and relationships in the dojo. Right now the thread started by Stina might drift into should you or shouldn't dating be allowed, and picking up on people be allowed in the dojo.

It was mentioned by me in another thread and another person in Stina's thread the subject of people using an Aikido class as a pick-up joint.

I have seen lots of woman walk though the dojo doors looking for a mate. I have seen and had it done woman flutter their eye lashes. I had some woman touch me and others in a certain ways. I have seen woman only work out with certain people they found attractive and shun everyone else. I have seen woman approach people in the dojo the is obviously intended about hooking up. I have seen and experienced a host of other things woman do to get attention and let someone else know they are interested in them. I have seen and experienced woman also be very forward in letting someone know they are attracted to a person. A number of woman told me that they are attracted to martial artists. They said this is the reason they join the class, and when they found someone that is why the stopped training. Finding some at dojo is like finding someone at church. Martial arts class isn't a typical pick-up joint with the same bar-fly, player men.

I have seen men do similar things, for similar reasons. I have mentioned my friend who being shy and not good with woman the typical way as a way to introduce himself and get to know the woman without being threatening. I have seen men simply ask woman out after class. I have seen men only work out with who they think might date them or attractive.


I understand the issues between the sexes. I understand how woman feel, just by the nature of who I am, I am considered a metro sexual male, and I come up bleeping loud and clear on Gaydar all the time. I am heterosexual and happily married. And honestly, I have turned more gay men down, and broke gay mens' hearts ( I still am ) then I ever did with the handful of woman I dated prior to marriage. I have been solicited in all sorts of places and I mean all sorts, by gay men in so many ways stemming from what I consider vulgar sexual harassment to the polite and respectable. I understand the uncomfortable situations men can create for someone who isn't interested in them to corrigible and nonthreatening.

When I was approaching woman to date it was tough to find that "right" approach since each woman comes from a different background and upbringing. I could easily offend woman one by saying you have beautiful eyes and offend the other. Or, to put my arm around a woman thinking the date is going well and have one woman scream bloody murder to another being offended because that is all I did. I have had woman think I was pick-up on them in the dojo during practice when I wasn't. I have had woman be offended because I didn't make a move in the dojo. I wasn't an easy course. You also have to consider I was twenty something and so where the woman. I have found older woman for what ever reason reacted differently over-all then younger woman. I wasn't only background but age being a factor.


I don't see finding love in a dojo to be all that bad. Both men and woman brake the rules and make each other uncomfortable, and both can go too far and create a bad situation. There is always someone who abuses the situation no matter what you do or where you go. Even in Church you have people who just go who want to find a mate, and those who think they will find a one night stand. Some are looking for a "sugar daddy" others are attracted to power. Some figure it is easy picking on the naive little church girls. Some find it a challenge to seek out house wives to lure into an affair. All but a couple of issues in our dojo became a problem. That was because the people who joined where there for the wrong reasons.

A dojo is an institution that brings people together both woman and men ( mostly men ). When you bring the sexes together as in a dojo to train you will have issues between the sexes. You can read peoples' mind and know what they are up too when they sign up for class. It is in our nature as humans to seek out a mate. Some people see it as a postive means to find people of good character and share the same interests for the sake of true love. We don't hear too much from. If we lived in a uptopia abuse between the sexes wouldn't be an issue. I don't think it is a huge issue either. I am saying there isn't both men and woman out there that will not act appropreiately in the dojo. These people are not the majority. A dojo is not like walking into a pick-up bar, or night club where every one is on the take.

I do think you can stop people from dating each other in a dojo. I don't think you should. I think that is unethical to do so, and it is none of the dojo's business. I don't think in a dojo you can stop someone from trying to pick up on others. I think the Sensei has a responsibility to provide a safe environment to train, and let people know that, that is the purpose of the dojo and training, and the dojo isn't a night club. I don't think you should allow unethical behavior between the sexes either. But, it is not the dojo's responsibility to decide who dates whom. Who should or shouldn't be allowed to date.

This could be an issue for some dojos who perpetuate inter-personal and emotional contact. Not to associate negative connotations, but for a lack of a better term, a "touchy feely" dojos. Where every pin is a loving stretch. Where people offer emotional well being and support openly to each other. Dojos that take love and harmony to the inter-personal levels between everyone in the dojo. I find these less sterile dojos will run into more situations of difficulty when it comes to people look for a relationship with the opposite or same sex. The sterile dojos don't attend to or focus/support inter-personal relationships of the members. Sometimes people can be confused, thus causing uncomfortable situations of attraction.
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