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Qatana 12-07-2005 10:43 AM

A different kind of ukemi
I have to fire somebody today.A [person I care a great deal about. A person I have been actively mentoring from high school through graduate school. A person who has always liked and respected me, regardless of my behavior or attitude, which is all I could ask from any friend.
And for varying reasons, we have to let her go.I am being cowardly enough to ask my business partner to be the Bad Guy, they have no personal history ,so it should be easier for both of them,but i feel like a total coward.
My challenge, as I see it, is to stay open to the upset, the recrimination,the anger , the sense of betrayal that I feel is going to come my way. Can I let it in wothout becoming defensive, without needing to justify or come up with a rational explanation. Can I let her hate me without resenting her subjectively justified anger?
Can a friendship be salvaged after a business relationship goes to hell?
I am the attacker here. I need to let her say what she Needs to say, and leave it at that. No reversals, no resistance.
This is not exactly something I think is going to help me with my test tomorrow. Then again, maybe this Is my test.
But I feel terrible about it.

Josh Reyer 12-07-2005 12:04 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi
If it were possible to retain this person, would you do it? And if so, don't you think it would be worth it to tell her that? Why let your partner take the ukemi? If you have a sincere, caring relationship, why not tell her the truth, give her your apologies, and offer to help her anyway you can to get a new job?

Qatana 12-07-2005 12:07 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi
If this person was performing her duties in a manner which will generate the funds to pay her for her time, I would keep her in a second. However she is not doing her job.And we cannot afford to pay her to simply occupy space.
And as I said, I am a coward.

Trish Greene 12-07-2005 01:07 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi
You are being very harsh on yourself, you seem to be taking the responsibility personally for someone elses lack of motivation. You are not the one that isn't performing her duties and I am sure that being the friend you are to her, you have given her several opportunities to change. You cannot change people, they have to change themselves, you are not responsible for other people's actions. Maybe in the big scheme she is suppose to be let go so that she can learn from this experience?

But it doesn't make it any easier when you care about that person....

Sometimes they have to take ukemi to understand the move...

Qatana 12-07-2005 03:13 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi
Ok, its done and I did it. And everything is as fine as it can be, considering both our financial states, but the friendship is preserved. I 'm glad I did it, so is she, and so is my partner, who was also puttihng it off!
This was a test. I think maybe I passed.

Ron Tisdale 12-07-2005 03:16 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi


Lan Powers 12-07-2005 04:36 PM

Re: A different kind of ukemi
Congratulations..........(And now for something COMPLETELY different) lifes next - big - test.
Warmest regards

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