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Zato Ichi 05-16-2005 06:36 AM

Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.
 
In the proud (?) tradition of this and this, here's a preview of the upcoming 2nd Edition D&D (Dojo & Dogi) Player's Handbook:

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Races
Thug -- The biological equivalent of bulldozers, thugs are a huge powerfully built race. In fact, some of the smarter orcs and fruities have actually tricked thugs into becoming bulldozers to build their own towns, and saved a bundle doing it. Because thugs are classified as construction equipment, they aren't required to be paid and have no unions. Generally, thugs are - shall we say - otnay ootay ightbray.

Orc -- Darth Vader without the cool factor is the best way to describe an orc. They also can't do that kick ass trick where you can choke someone from across the room. Nevertheless, orcs have a viscious streak which is only matched by their body oder: orcs never bath… smelliness is a badge of honour. Some of the older, more powerful orc shihan can use their oder to render an opponent unconscious before they get within two meters of them!

Fruitie -- Compared to the brutish thugs and violent orcs, fruities live lives of carefree abandonment. A lithe, quick race who radiate calm into their surroundings, fruities are the envy of many an interior designer and hair stylist. Fruities also have the greatest tendency to have an affinity for ki, although this is offset by the fact that brute force will get you the same results and much faster.

Character Classes
Shodo - Also known as grunts or cannon fodder, shodo take a straight forward approach to combat: atemi, atemi, and if that doesn't work, more atemi.
Starting Waza (choose two) - Crush!, Break!!, Hulk Smath!!!, Die Puny Humans, Die!!!!
Starting equipment - Judogi, rubber tanto (if you think it looks like anything else, you're a pervert!), jo, bokken.
Other notes - Thugs make the best shodo. Although uncommon, it's not unheard of to run across a shodoorc once in a while. A shodofruite will be laughed at by everyone and shunned by society.

Yoshin - A high proportion of yoshin come from such backgrounds as dentists or medival dungeon masters. No reason. Really. Stop looking at me like that, or you'll be sorry….
Starting Waza (choose two) - Owthathurts-gatame, Stopityou'regonnabreakmyarm-ate, Ithinkmyshoulderhasbeendislocated-hineri, OhgreatnowIhavetogotothehospital-otoshi
Starting equipment - Dogi, hakama, jo, bokken, one (1) implement of torture of the player's discretion.
Other notes - Given their sadistic streak, orcs are natural yoshin. Occasionally, the more brutal thugs will also become yoshin. Although extremely rare, yoshinfruities are very frightening… like that serial killer in Silence of the Lambs. Creepy, dude, creepy.

Aiki - The main thing to know about aiki is that they have perfected the Darth Vader Long Distance Death Grip simply to annoy the yoshin.
Starting Waza (choose two) - No Touch Throw, Touch Throw, It Wasn't A No Touch Throw - He Just Fell Over, Darth Vader Long Distance Death Grip
Starting equipment - Dogi, hakama, jo, bokken.
Other notes - With the heavy concentration on ki techniques, fruities are the leading aiki practitioners. There are only two known aikiorcs in existence, both at the Hong Kong zoo. Attempts to make them mate have been unsuccessful, and biologists fear for the survival of the species. Aikithugs are pitied by all - they're like really dim-witted babies trying to figure out how to do neurosurgery.



Disclaimer: There are those out there who take themselves a little too seriously. This disclaimer is for those people: lighten up!!!

happysod 05-16-2005 09:57 AM

Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.
 
Hori, the true disturbance in the ki - humour post well you do

I want pictures goddammit, just remember fruities get the best clothes and manicures and are unfailing modest, truthful and just drop-dead gorgeous.

Rachel Strickman 05-16-2005 11:14 AM

Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.
 
"Nevertheless, orcs have a viscious streak"

sorry, i know it is bad form to criticise spelling (especially as I can't seppl either) but the image of orcs with viscous goo oozing all over them is too good to pass up!

Kevin Temple 07-25-2005 02:40 PM

Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.
 
funnily enough, in my yoshinkan dojo, we joke that washing our Gi gets rid of all the Ki we have built up... so maybe we are smelly thugs

Yann Golanski 07-26-2005 02:50 AM

Re: Dojo & Dogi, 2nd editon.
 
Okay, the first one who suggest we code this as a MMRPG gets 100 kote gaeshi.

*grins evilly*


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