AikiWeb Aikido Forums

AikiWeb Aikido Forums (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/index.php)
-   Humor (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=7)
-   -   Modern weapond (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6731)

xuzen 10-20-2004 10:08 PM

Modern weapond
 
Dear serious aikidokas...
a spin off from the I wanna kick and punch thread..(Only serious practitioner need reply)

I know being in a deadly and serious art such as aikido we need to constantly upgrade our skills set. So my question to all is do you all practice using modern weapond?

Let me start by saying I a hachidan in mobile-phono-uchi-dori-do. This art enables the practitioner to accurately throw a heavy set mobile phone towards the nose of a uke at a dostance of 50 yards. Additionally I am also a skilled warrior in the art of paper-clip atemi-do (i.e., able to use paper-clip to accuratelly hit an uke's vital points). All these skills are very useful in the modern context as I am always surronded by mobile phone and paper-clip.

So do any of you all have other hidden talents using modern weapond?

Yours in serious aiki,
Boon.

maikerus 10-20-2004 10:35 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
I hesitate to announce it, but I am considered a master of KI-BORED-DO. This relatively new combative budo is gaining respect and recognition through this new fangled system called The Internet.

Based upon the ancient premise that "The Pen is Mightier than The Sword" practitioners of KI-BORED-DO face off against an unknown number of opponents in an arena built in the ether. What happens is that one person will throw out an innocuous comment which is then replied to and analyzed and criticized or possibly applauded (this is usually done at higher levels).

These responses are then focused on and the melee that ensues is sometimes so complex and interrelated that no one really knows who the victor is. Of course, a *true* KI-BORED-DOIST always knows in the deep, dark depths of his (or her) heart whether they made a good showing or not.

Ego is such a fragile thing that facing this arena is sometimes a harsh and difficult journey where you may find your opinion on things that you thought you knew changing beyond recognition. It takes a strong mind to reach the point of excellence we should all strive for in any of our studies.

To practice this dreaded art you need to have too much time on your hands, Plenty of Ki's with letters set on them to poke at randomly and a video monitor to show you what your many opponents are doing.

Interested parties may apply to http://www.aikiweb.com

Seriously in KI,

--Michael

Tim Gerrard 10-21-2004 10:40 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
I like to use an adaption of the "mobile-phono-uchi-dori-do". It involves using the mobile phone to inflict serious psycological wounds, with text messages such as "your mam's gay" and "you smell" an opponent can be reduced to a sobbing wreck. Also professing to be a master of the ancient-yet-in-fashion-now art of Feng-Shui is quite a good line "I'll re-arrange your face"etc.

suren 10-21-2004 06:38 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Nothing beats hot-tea-into-face-waza!
Very effective during hot debates or technical meetings! Don't forget to add some sugar

David Becker 10-22-2004 01:58 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
A closely related technique is the starbucks-grande -cappacino-into-face-waza. Many a bitter argument on the internet has been started between the hot-tea-into-face-waza traditionals and the more modern starbucks-grande -cappacino-into-face-waza believers as to which one represents true Aikido.

I will show my true nature by refraining from argument.

Raziel 10-22-2004 12:41 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Quote:

Suren Baghdasaryan wrote:
Nothing beats hot-tea-into-face-waza!
Very effective during hot debates or technical meetings! Don't forget to add some sugar

Not the best one:

Pepper-spray-on-the-face omote/ura

Michael Hackett 10-22-2004 03:26 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Then of course there's the new art of Ching Ching Pow - the art of chambering a round in your pistol. Most US police agents hold a black belt in this art.

suren 10-22-2004 04:39 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
All these modern not traditional techniques like starbucks-grande -cappacino-into-face-waza and
Pepper-spray-on-the-face are highly unpractical because of the price of the weapon! Frankly, I'm not going to speng 3.45 bucks to decorate some ugly face with a foam of milk! Besides training becomes too expensive. Stick with traditions guys!

xuzen 10-22-2004 09:49 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Speaking of expensive, how about prada-luis-vuitton-bag-sling-o-rama-to-the-face-waza-ryu? Anyway, thanks guys for your humour...

You guys da best!

Boon.

Raziel 10-24-2004 10:31 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Well, do this : San Francisco-steak house- hot-juicy-beef steak-on- the- face- omote/ura waza.

and this : Shushi king -extreme -wasabi - into-the-nose-omote/ura waza.

Qatana 10-24-2004 07:07 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
When i used to work in the new age health food production facility i was the victim of tofu-waza.

Niko Salgado 10-24-2004 08:38 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
I'm practice mobile-phono-uchi-dori-do constantly.. with anything made by motorola.. sometimes people are too close to throw one of these mobile phones, in which case, the classic keri-in the groin-do has always been an effective one.

But there are worse techniques than keri-in the groin-do..

..like ni-keri-in the groin-do.

suren 10-25-2004 11:09 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Not that I'm giving up my traditional techniques, but I'm just curious. Does mobile-phono-uchi-dori-do include grabs with a mobile phone? And if so are the flip cell phones considered a better weapon than the usual non-flip ones? I think the usual ones are better balanced, but on the other hand, grabs can be done better with the flip phones I guess... So which one is more appropriate for aiki-phone practice?

davidraybell 10-29-2004 08:38 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
I dunno, sensei always says not to grab uke, but to "yoke" them so I find that the little crook between the top of the phone and the antenna-san works really well for mobile-phone-uchi-dori-do.

I also practice Aiki-moto: the 300 horsepower way of harmony. My favorite is motor gaeshi, usually performed out the driver's window against an aggressive taxi hailing uke.

wendyrowe 10-30-2004 08:22 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
The other thread got me interested in paperclip pressure point waza, so after years of research I found the answer in an ancient volume entitled "kurippu kyusho-jitsu"

I'd have been happy to scan it in so you could see it, but it was so secret that after reading it I had to eat it.

Zato Ichi 10-30-2004 09:25 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Although not necessarily modern, this technique has only been rediscovered within the past 100 years or so... the deadly nuugiwaza.

There have been mention of this technique far back as 300BC in certain esoteric Chinese works, but the first detailed description appeared in a lesser known work of Miyamoto Musashi: A Book of Five Knuckles and Your Friend's Head. A little known fact: during Musashi's famous duel with Sasaki Kojiro, the blow from Musashi's bokken did not kill Kojiro: it stunned Kojiro and caused him to drop his weapon, which gave Musashi the opportunity to run forward and apply the deadly nuugi technique. According to recently unearthed documents, Kojiro's last words were "DUDE! Stop it! That really hurts!" He died moments later.

The technique fell into obscurity for unknown reasons (the current theories are too complex to recount here, but suffice it to say they involve the emperor, too much sake, and an overzealous demonstration). The technique was rediscovered in the early twentieth century by Takayuki "the Moose" Osawa, a judoka who trained under Jigoro Kano. During randori, Osawa was involved in newaza with an opponent who was easily escaping his best efforts. Osawa was applying kesagatame, but he could feel his opponent breaking the hold, in a desperate act, he released his hold on his opponents dogi sleeve, took his knuckles and rubbed them really hard into his opponent's skull. He tapped out immediately. Although Kano was impressed, he deemed the move to be too dangerous for competition and banned the move. But it was too late. The genie had been let out of the bottle.

Word of the fantastic technique spread quickly, and reached the ears of one Sokaku Takeda. Takeda, impressed, incorporated it into Daito Ryu Aikijujutsu, but only teaching the technique to his most talented pupils. Morihei Ueshiba happened to be one of the few who received direct instruction in the technique from Takeda, and when Ueshiba went onto formulate aikido, he incorporated nuugiwaza - most often it is applied from a failed ushiroate. As uke steps forward to regain his/her balance, tori quickly steps forward in in front of uke, grabbing uke's head in the process and applying kazushi, bringing uke down to the mat. Once uke is on the mat, tori applies nuugiwaza. It is considered traditional to say "I'm only doing this because I love ya, ya big lug!", just to let uke know there are no hard feelings.

aikidoka87 11-02-2004 05:13 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Personaly I prefer my style of twogirlsatonce-fu too all other insupierior forms mentioned above.

Rocky Izumi 11-17-2004 07:49 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Not to get too serious but there was an article in one of Canadian papers a while back where an assault on a cab driver was committed by a guy with a toothpick that he held to the driver's throat and made him drive around all night in circles.

Apparently, the cops couldn't stop him because they couldn't yell out the line "Drop that toothpick or I'll shoot." without laughing.

(only the first part of the story is true, actually)

Rocky Izumi 11-17-2004 07:53 PM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Have you also noticed that as you rise in rank, you tend to fart uncontrollably more often.

Was doing some groundwork with a BJJ guy who was trying to wrap me up in a ball until he put his head near my ass and I farted a big wet one. He ran away screaming. God, I love Aikido.

BC 11-18-2004 08:42 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Quote:

Hiroaki Izumi wrote:
Have you also noticed that as you rise in rank, you tend to fart uncontrollably more often.

That is the reason of the senior members of our dojo (whom you know) has earned the nickname "Master of the Cave of the Whispering Winds."

Brehan Crawford 11-18-2004 09:34 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Quote:

Hiroaki Izumi wrote:
Have you also noticed that as you rise in rank, you tend to fart uncontrollably more often.


well if that's the case I must have started at least at shodan level. It seems like at least once a week during warmups I manage to sneak in my own peeyou-undo.

gstevens 11-18-2004 09:40 AM

Re: Modern weapons
 
The Grundi-ushiro-waza.

Most effective, and can be used with the pants-ura-waza technique.
The simplest form of this technique is used on the modern adolescent who chooses to leave the upper edge of their lower undergarment exposed above the upper edge of the outer garment.

Blending is a quick two step followed by guiding the undergarment upwards with a quick jerk. This almost always results in a tap out, wide eyes, and the adolescent leaving the mat immediately.

The more advanced techniques occurs when your uke chooses the fashion attack know as a SAG. This is normally indicated by their pant like outer garment being worn with the top around the knees, these uke are easy to spot when running by the wide swinging motion of their legs instead of the normal up and down motion.

The technique is two fold: First two step and blend with the Uke this is a wider two step than normal to avoid the swinging legs with which the uke must move. Second as you come behind the Uke, give a quick downward jerk on the pants. If you are really good, you can choose to also apply the pant-ushiro-waza technique to the undergarments, or if you are just starting you may be able to get in a grundi-ushiro-waza, before the Uke self pins on the mat.

Note: monitor the color complexion of these Uke to rate the effectiveness of the technique, a red hue of the face most resembling a stop sign is an indication of uke's surrender, tapping rarely occurs. ;)

Daniel Moore 11-26-2004 08:30 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
As a sidespin, has anybody tried to use a grading belt as a weapon. I once nearly broke my uke's wrist, when during a hip throw their hand slipped under my belt. As I threw them they moved from standing to prone with their hand wrapped in my brabelt, nearly king their wrist (and ripping off my gi).
They looked a bit shame-faced and hurried off the mat. Please could someone mention some techniques I can perform with my belt.
Dan

P.S. I have been dating the above mentioned uke for 3 months - maybe she was trying something?

darin 11-26-2004 10:51 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Quote:

Daniel Moore wrote:
As a sidespin, has anybody tried to use a grading belt as a weapon. I once nearly broke my uke's wrist, when during a hip throw their hand slipped under my belt. As I threw them they moved from standing to prone with their hand wrapped in my brabelt, nearly king their wrist (and ripping off my gi).
They looked a bit shame-faced and hurried off the mat. Please could someone mention some techniques I can perform with my belt.
Dan

P.S. I have been dating the above mentioned uke for 3 months - maybe she was trying something?

When I was a beginner my belt fell off during randori. One of the higher grade students who was standing behind me picked it up and then proceded to choke me with it. Wasn't a nice experience. That guy had a reputation for beating up beginners.

darin 11-26-2004 11:01 AM

Re: Modern weapond
 
Quote:

Hiroaki Izumi wrote:
Have you also noticed that as you rise in rank, you tend to fart uncontrollably more often.

Was doing some groundwork with a BJJ guy who was trying to wrap me up in a ball until he put his head near my ass and I farted a big wet one. He ran away screaming. God, I love Aikido.

Man, I thought in other schools people didn't fart. They just held it in or timed it when doing ukemi near someone else. Probably explains the constant frowns on the faces of the masters in those black and white pictures. A form of ki (kiai) training?

My school is notorious for farters. Actually the funniest was when one of my students asked another to pull his finger while in training. Everyone laughed even the lady who came to watch the class. I was kind of embarrassed and thought she wouldn't join up. To my suprise she did!


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:01 AM.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.