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-   -   Help me please (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2415)

Unregistered 08-21-2002 11:16 PM

Help me please
 
This person has practiced for less than half the time I have. I have practiced for 13 years, I think he has for 4 or 5 now.

But the problem is that he is constantly belittling me. He treats me like a 6th kyu or something. Everything I say he says is wrong, or that my understanding is wrong. He posts on the aiki web and in the posts he acts like I am his student and he is a master. It drives me nuts, if my Sensei has promoted me to this rank I think Sensei would want me to be treated like the rank I am.

Thank you

anon 08-21-2002 11:44 PM

Sounds like a very, very frustrating situation.

I'd try to avoid the guy as much as possible. Find other training partners when it's time to pair up.

If he contradicts everything you say, maybe you should stop saying anything. "Shut up and train," as the saying goes. Your technique will show whether you understand or not. And if he starts correcting you during practice, you could just smile, say "sure," and keep doing what you're doing.

If lousy behavior persists & you can't avoid him, maybe you should just take it as yet another variation on the problem of a "difficult" uke. Think of it as training for conflict outside the dojo.

All this may be harder if you're teaching, though (whether leading the class, assistant teaching, or as trusty sempai) - are you? If he's busy contradicting whatever you say when you're actually teaching, not just training together, he's way out of line. I don't know what to tell you on that one. Have you talked to your sensei about the problem?

One last thing. From what you've written, it sounds like the guy himself is a large part of the problem. But could your own attitude be making it worse? Your last line about wanting to be treated like the rank you are is the voice of wounded pride & ego. Could it be that you're a little too attached to your rank? After practicing for 13 years, you must be pretty damn good - and your technique will show that clearly. Who cares what rank he treats you as? Skill can't be hidden (and can't be faked, either).

Good luck & best wishes. Keep me posted on what happens.

Unregistered 08-22-2002 12:10 AM

Yap !

I agree with the above... get off the line- He'll sure simply loose balance.LOL

Edward 08-22-2002 01:03 AM

Just kick the guy's butt a few times, throw him around heavily and put a little more pressure than usual on those nikkyo and sankyo. I'm sure he'll understand. This shouldn't be difficult with your long experience compared to his. If not, then he might have a point. ;)

Chris Li 08-22-2002 01:09 AM

Re: Help me please
 
Quote:

() wrote:
This person has practiced for less than half the time I have. I have practiced for 13 years, I think he has for 4 or 5 now.

But the problem is that he is constantly belittling me. He treats me like a 6th kyu or something. Everything I say he says is wrong, or that my understanding is wrong. He posts on the aiki web and in the posts he acts like I am his student and he is a master. It drives me nuts, if my Sensei has promoted me to this rank I think Sensei would want me to be treated like the rank I am.

Thank you

1) He sounds like an irritating person.

2) Rank really doesn't have anything to do with it. He'd be irritating no matter what the rank relationship :).

Anyway, IMO rank really shouldn't have anything to do with how you treat a person.

Best,

Chris

Chris Li 08-22-2002 01:10 AM

Re: Re: Help me please
 
Quote:

Christopher Li (Chris Li) wrote:
1) He sounds like an irritating person.

2) Rank really doesn't have anything to do with it. He'd be irritating no matter what the rank relationship :).

Anyway, IMO rank really shouldn't have anything to do with how you treat a person, or how they treat you,

Best,

Chris


Genex 08-22-2002 04:05 AM

Yeah do some training with him and just make sure you really wap on the nikkyo's n sankyo's

Remember tho you are both learning even when you reach 10th dan but you should also remind him of this fact and if he insists on stating your wrong or contradicts you infront of the class then make sure your sensei notices, has he recently got a black belt?

is the power going to his head?

is he trying to be an evil overlord before he's been a minion?

(ignore the last one if your not into world domination)

pete

Ben_t_shodan 08-22-2002 07:34 PM

Re: Help me please
 
Quote:

() wrote:
This person has practiced for less than half the time I have. I have practiced for 13 years, I think he has for 4 or 5 now.

But the problem is that he is constantly belittling me. He treats me like a 6th kyu or something. Everything I say he says is wrong, or that my understanding is wrong. He posts on the aiki web and in the posts he acts like I am his student and he is a master. It drives me nuts, if my Sensei has promoted me to this rank I think Sensei would want me to be treated like the rank I am.

Thank you

You know I am in the same situation, I started young so people in the dojo don't see me as an Aikidoka but as a kid. I have a little problem with a few people, mostly beginners that are older. They think I can do anything to help them because I am over half their age. Just ignore it.

You cant help them if they don't want to listen (on or off the mat). We have one black belt that is a sales man, so that is what he dose is he sells himself on the mat. To he dose that to a point that he stomps on everyone else.

Thank you

ben

Bronson 08-23-2002 02:00 AM

"he dose that to a point that he stomps on everyone else."

Hey Ben, I think I know who you are talking about. You've summed him up very nicely.

Bronson

ian 08-23-2002 04:43 AM

I would disagree with pretty much every post above. O'Sensei was quite clear that aikido was to change yourself, and not to change others - also, he had the 'problems are opportunities to improve yourself' attitude. [maybe I should listen to that myself!]

Just because you have more experience does not mean he hasn't anything to teach you, though you would expect him to give you some respect. Maybe he's just filled with his enthusiasm for aikido and wants to spout his interesting ideas. Don't try and force locks on him, and don't leave the site (in my opinion); listen to what he has to say and give your valued opinion and ignore any rubbish or bitchiness that comes out - take what you need to improve yourself.

If nothing else you'll get better at responding to ill informed criticism!

Ian

ian 08-23-2002 04:44 AM

P.S. if comments become argumentative, with no content, or insulting you can always report the post to a moderator.

Ian

rachmass 08-23-2002 05:09 AM

Ian has a very valid point; basically take lemons and make lemonade. Take the opportunity to turn it into something positive, at least as a point to learn something. It is frustrating to have someone belittle you, and is hurtful too. Why does he do it? What could you be doing that brings it out in him? What can you learn from this?

Another suggestion too; maybe this fellow doesn't have a good grasp of etiquette and the sempai/kohai relationship. Even if he is technically better (and this is a big IF), the relationship dictates respect (respect goes both ways, you as sempai should respect the junior for his potential and to nurture him; he as kohai should respect you for your experience and time on the mat). Possibly a good sit down and talk would help alleviate the situation.

Anyway, just my $.02


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