AikiWeb Aikido Forums

AikiWeb Aikido Forums (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/index.php)
-   Humor (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=7)
-   -   The wisdom of figghting with word (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20433)

TheAikidoka 10-18-2011 01:13 PM

The wisdom of figghting with word
 
I found this and thought I would share it with you all.

PARAPROSDOKIAN - A Figure of Speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in
a humorous situation.
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
case of emergency, notify:' I put 'A DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24.. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ( I personally loved this one).

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Anymore from reader s qould be great ;-)

Andy B

dapidmini 10-23-2011 05:21 AM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
I don't know any other paraprosdokian :o but I just want to say that reading them really made my day (or evening here). thanks so much for the laugh :D

earnest aikidoka 11-06-2011 05:56 AM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
you are only lost if a destination is involved.

ninjaqutie 11-06-2011 06:48 PM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
Loved it! Thanks for the laugh!

Dan Rubin 11-06-2011 06:58 PM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

Shadowfax 11-09-2011 06:18 AM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
There will be pain involved. But only if you ask nicely. :)

Tell a gelding. Ask a stallion. But you must discuss it with a mare.

LinTal 11-09-2011 10:32 PM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
Awsome, cheers!

hughrbeyer 11-10-2011 11:41 AM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
Found in my twitter feed today: "When you're wrestling a gorilla, you can't stop when you get tired. You can only stop when the gorilla gets tired."

dapidmini 11-21-2011 10:44 PM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
I think everyone already knows this one:
practice makes perfect. but nobody is perfect, so why practice?

people who say that money can't buy happiness just doesn't know where to shop..

dapidmini 11-23-2011 09:09 AM

Re: The wisdom of figghting with word
 
A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. (although this is not true for some people)


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:28 PM.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.