Defeating my own ego
Hi everyone, recently I've been getting depressed in aikido class at my own lack of ability....I keep thinking to myself "I've been training for over a year, why arent I any better?" Well this kind of thinking completley made any technique I had acquired at that point useless, and that just fed the self loathing fire even more. It got so bad that my Sensei e mailed me about it, asking what was up....I told him it related back to a poor self image, blah blah blah....He replied back with some very insightful words that I wanted to share with all of you, hoping maybe they could help someone else like they helped me :) Here it is.
"The first thing you have to realize is that there is nothing inherently wrong with you and second that it is most skillful to live in the moment not the future, the past, or some conditional "what if". Aikido demands "beginner's mind" and how your ego deals with this is a reflection on how your ego deals with other issues. This is one of the many levels of training that are called out in the course of Aikido training. Self judgment and negative self talk is due to fear and it only serves as a hindrance. You are no more or less deserving and certainly no less capable than any one in our Aikido class (including my self). Right training and effort leads to some small successes that eventually grow to big successes. No effort will lead to no success. The secret technique is to just show up and put in good effort. All the rest will come on its own." Thanks for listening! :cool: |
Re: Defeating my own ego
There is wisdom in those words. Your only opponent is yourself, and your only goal should be to improve every day in some way. Masakatsu Agatsu. Look it up.
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Re: Defeating my own ego
we are often our own hardest critic you have been only training over a year dont be to hard on yourself.
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Re: Defeating my own ego
reminds me of the words of a great philosopher 'Eckhart tolle' - he travels down the same 'path', at least from what I gleamed in the words spoken by your Sensei.
I have to admit, its easy to get out of the present and to always search for something that once you get there you want more. But at the same time, your 'always' in the present moment - so getting there is quite easy...just have to 'remember'. My aikido training is very wavy...sometimes excellent, and other times like a beginner...not one session the same, kind of weird. Im learning something, so I stick with it. Anyway...enjoy Peace dAlen |
Re: Defeating my own ego
'The secret technique is to just show up
and put in good effort' IMHO a good teacher and good advice. Get on the mat and do it. |
Re: Defeating my own ego
IMHO, we are the ones that create the ego and we are the ones that defeat ourselves with it.
Self-discipline is the training and the art, the journey and the distintation. |
Re: Defeating my own ego
Ego needn't be "defeated" ... rather, it needs to be balanced and integrated. It IS after all, part of what makes you "you" ...
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Re: Defeating my own ego
Mike,
Would it be possible for you to provide your sensei's name so that we can credit him with this piece of writing? Thanks, Bronson |
Re: Defeating my own ego
Hi Mike,
My sensei has been saying pretty much the same thing to me for 5 years now. It is finally starting to sink in. I'm a slow learner. ;) Listen to him. |
Re: Defeating my own ego
My ego is my most important training partner. It is certainly my most difficult ukemi.
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Re: Defeating my own ego
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(dont know what that had to do with anything lol) heres our website http://www.shinki-aikido.com/ |
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http://hikari.hit.bg/pictures/caligr...tsu_agatsu.jpg not saying Ive achieved it....just for a reminder. |
Re: Defeating my own ego
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David |
Re: Defeating my own ego
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Great post. I've been struggling with the same issue myself and your sensei's words are a useful reminder to let go of fear, stop "striving" so much, and just enjoy the ride. Of course, my default approach is to demand that I stop being so demanding... :p Reminds me of the old joke: "Dear Lord, please bring me patience, but hurry!" :D Cheers, Irv |
Re: Defeating my own ego
Ego can be a real pain! On one hand it can be the only thing that gets me over an obstacle and on the other, it stunts me from true progress. I've actually been dealing with a bad case ego-titus during the last month or so (not at the dojo but at work). I can get very sensitive and over react or over compensate in a particular situation all for the purpose of "proving" myself to others around me even if their not particularly important in my life. It's probably going to be a life-long struggle for me to get and keep my ego in check. Good Luck to us all!!;)
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Re: Defeating my own ego
I had a bit of trouble defeating my ego. Had to get other people to do it for me in competition. That did the trick for me. :)
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thanks for the jumping point, david. en |
Re: Defeating my own ego
Through my intuition, not extensive demographical research, it's difficult for we Aikidoka to overcome ego when, especially in the West, most people outside the dojo have egos. The ever-elusive mind state to attain (which I had for awhile 'til "somebody turned the Light off"), is to live free of ego in an ego-dominated society. It is possible. I've done it for about a year. But that was 7 years ago and I don't know how to get back. Granted, I was training in Aikido back then and now I can't, but it is possible and the peace-of-mind is a hell of a lot of fun.
Drew |
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In gassho, Mark |
Re: Defeating my own ego
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I don't take your comment as contrary, just not at the same point on the map. There is no enemy for Ueshiba of Aikido. You are mistaken if you think that budo means to have opponents and enemies and to be strong and fell them. There are neither opponents nor enemies for true budo. True budo is to be one with the universe; that is to be united with the Center of the universe. |
Re: Defeating my own ego
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In gassho, Mark |
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