Fight? What fight?
This Sunday's NYT "Modern Love" column describes one of the finest examples I've ever read of living aikido off the mat.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fa...pagewanted=all |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Janet, Thanks for posting that. Beautiful example.
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
I have a wife like that!:)
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Wow..... I'm glade you shared this. What an amazing example she sets.
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Thanks Janet...that is very moving. They should make a movie out of that story.
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
WOW.
Best, Ron |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Wow. That is a great story. Not too many women could do something like that. I don't know if I could....
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
That takes reserve I hope I can have some day.
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
The most amazing part is how she kept from blaming "uke". Wow.
Susan |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Beautiful story. It kind of moved me...
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
Um, please don't take this the wrong way. But, would you (my grammar teacher always hated "could". Of course you are capable) explain how this story is aikido off the mat for me? Truthfully, I'm just not seeing it. I was hoping that if I gave you the chance, the open mic, maybe you'd explain how it is aikido off the mat. My promise is that I'll not debate it with you. I'll most likely ask questions to clarify what you say, but no debates on validity. No interjections on my views of aikido. If you don't care to discuss it, that's fine. Thanks, Mark |
Re: Fight? What fight?
I just read something that resonated with me about this topic in a different thread:
Quote:
You can debate with me to your hearts content. I would also like to read the OP's perspective. Rob |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Nice story with a happy ending.
Shows a lot about resolve. Her resolve was to hold the family together and it won out. Of course if the husband was actually serious about leaving and had the resolve to do so he would have just left and not look back - saying he was about to leave was merely a means of asking her to help him find the means to stay. He may have never been serious about actually acting on what he said from the beginning. Imho perpetual blending does not always resolve conflict. It often only prolongs the inevitable. This case was different. LC |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
In this case there are a couple of things that struck me though: One is that she did from the start tell him "I don't buy it." She didn't do a pat "yes dear I hear you" blend. She actually stated her reaction to his attack - and she continued to reframe things. You'll note this very much took his balance - lots of "huh?"s and angry "oh you mean this...", which she continues to reframe - like from the start she had a gut feeling that it wasn't about what he said it was about so if she reframed it, it might work. The reframing is sort of a continual kuzushi more than a continual blend, I guess, now that I think of it! |
Re: Fight? What fight?
I think it has alot to do with the concept of entering as well. She entered by standing her ground and by her convictions, yet allowed him to move where he naturally wanted to go without letting go of him or pushing him away. By doing this, I think she was able to maintain her self control, not feel like a push over, yet he resolved his own problem...or something like that.
It is hard to describe in detail, but I do believe it is a fantastic story that illustrates the concept. She held on by letting go, but not by pushing away. Very skillful way of handling the issue! Giving uke the space he needs while protecting ourselves. |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
I think it's OK to debate in a forum. Isn't that what forums are for?
I thought it was an excellent example of kuzushi. And also, a sensei I had in the past said all the time that it was important to be "sticky," or not be in such a hurry to resolve an attack. On the mat and in life, I tend to rush. I rush to understand a workplace conflict, rush to apologize, rush to find a technique in randori... and I do this so that I can end the ambiguity. It takes a lot of courage to let the ambiguity play itself out when it's appropriate to do so. |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
|
Re: Fight? What fight?
Quote:
Hope she's with you. David |
Re: Fight? What fight?
Fantastic Aikido "off the mat" reference!
Interesting story, too. |
Re: Fight? What fight?
At first it sounds like she was letting him walk all over her, or that she was desperate to keep him. But in actuality, she recognized a conflict, and she took the perceived best course of action so that she could acheive victory. Victory, in this case, was not allowing her husband to leave her family, and to a lesser extent, allowing him to draw her into an ongoing argument over divorce.
At the most basic level, you can ask yourself what your enemy (uke/husband) wants you to do, and then simply don't do that thing. The husband wanted her to fly off the deep end and give him a reason to leave. While I'm sure she felt the urge to flip out, and she would've been right in doing so, she instead chose to defeat her enemy with a more effective tactic. |
Re: Fight? What fight?
I don't think it's quite that simple: the children were forced, by her actions, to live in an erratic, discord-riven environment, because she chose to bring about that situation...
|
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:16 AM. |
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.