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Anonymous 04-23-2008 09:14 AM

Re: What to do ?
I make a long story short, there were more discussions between me and Sensei A, but he behaved so strange, that I didn't understand his point of view, until it was too late for me. So I talked to Sensei B, we decided, that I leave the dojo for two months and we keep in touch and look for a solution in this time. After he had telephoned with Sensei A he told me, we (all teachers and I) should meet the following week and have a long talk about what has happened. He said, Sensei A cannot decide on his own.
Well, two days later Sensei A phoned me up to tell me, that the three teachers are very angry with me and throw me out of the dojo (forever, not only for 6 months like B before)., because I made such a fuss, took too much space,spreaded rumours, told people about my "sexual life" ("what else is it, when you go to his flat") .

anonymous 04-23-2008 09:16 AM

Re: What to do ?
Because "so many people now know about this" (this is not true, by the way. I told only one woman, and three members heard a little bit of my discussion with Sensei B). So, because of that, they feel, I had forced them to act - to throw out B - and he don't think much of throwing out only one person in such cases. For the future they tell me to think a lot about "responsibility". I was responsible for going in B's flat, and it was very wrong to complain about it afterwards. Sensei A also said, I should never again tell anybody he would blame the victim - impudence ! He would never do so ! At the very end of our conversation he then asked "what exactly DID happen in that flat ?" - I then realized that he really managed, not to understand me in our first conversation. He said, this was a case of completed sexual duress (right word?), I should go to the police and also talk a lot about it in a therapy.

Anonymous 04-23-2008 09:19 AM

Re: What to do ?
I am sooo furious, not because they throw me out - it's better for their harmony, I know, but because of this absolute crazy mixture of things Sensei told me (and believes them himself ? How can wou believe two opposite things at the same time ?). I am very sure, which part of all that he is telling the other Senseis.

PS: to the moderator:
I am sorry, I cannot send long text in one message, could you please put them together in the right order (the first part is already in the forum) ?

dalen7 04-25-2008 03:15 PM

Re: What to do ?
take some time and breathe.

what does this mean?

Leave the dojo...even if you call the dojo your family, leave it...take some "you time".

Mediate, listen to someone like Eckhart Tolle, etc., who can help bring back some stability and perspective in the way your outlook on life is. - Its good to have an anchor and his philosophy is quite practical. ;)

Sometimes we can 'over-think' things...if you know what I mean.
So you may find it helpful to put this distance between you and all at the dojo for now.

At a later point in time, as you mentioned, you may want to go to another dojo in your city...who knows...but when the time comes the answer will be there.

As one rabbi says, "breath and heal" - "relax and heal"- "theres nothing to think about"... ;)



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