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The truth is in the attack. Not fast, not particularly hard, just accurate. In a Dojo everyone is there to support each other and to help you iimprove. To really improve you need a truthful representation of what might happen in a real situation.
When you've spent so much of your life agreeing with others just to keep the peace or to be liked sometimes it's hard to find your own truth.
I can't help wishing I had moved away for a while after university to break out of my old habits. Aikido can't magic up self discipline and belief it has to be based on something and you have to work on it.
I am lazy by nature. Anyone who doesn't know me well see's a person who goes to Martial Arts lessons of one type or another and assumes it's a sign of a hardworking woman. Wrong! and you know why? because it's not work. It's as automatic as breathing. Plus a couple of hours a night a couple of times a week is hardly like raising kids!
The reason I'm always late and untidy isn't because I do so much it's because I find sustained effort difficult. You need to put the effort in first and then relax... I don't!
I also need to work at my sociel skills, especially my temper...
Or, conversely, I could just throw out my television...except that it's my sisters telelvision.
Just for Saturday afternoon I was the Kai Shin Kai's woman in Moscow (the British Aikido Federation to you and me.)
It's funny what different people think of as brave. Going to somewhere unfamiliar to try out Aikido was easy; being thrown on my head was nothing compared to the ten minute break when I stood, surrounded by people chatting, frozen to the spot wanting to talk but not quite able...! It's easy to be bolshy online, it's one of the main reasons I write full stop. When real 3d people are involved I freeze up like the arctic.
Templegate is a great Dojo. The tatami cover two thirds of a floor of what is essentially an office block. The main area is filled with plants and has huge windows all down one wall. Loads of natural light. They even have Uchi Deshi (if that's how you spell it), people who live in the dojo. That would be something...
I wonder how many people have or take up the opportunity to train with a different association. It was a great afternoon. Everyone made me feel really welcome especially Phil from the Weston outpost! (He reminded me of Roland Rivron and that can only be a good thing ) And FuManChu Sorry sir I forgot your real name but thanks for showing me round!
One guy I partnered (with eyelashes that went on forever) seemed unwilling to attack... I don't know whether it was because he was relatively new to it or because he was unwilling to attack girls! I should have grabbed Daren to partner if he'd been availabl
Before judging someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, they're a mile away and you have their shoes!
Victory over the self, that's the true martial way. Boy do I have a loooooonng way to go...
Keep your trap shut woman. Why do I leap to agree with people who are having a go? It wasn't really a major slating it was just felt horrible. It's not like I have no life of my own why do I have to agree just to feel included or liked? it makes me so angry at myself How do I change part of my basic make-up. I have to change it because it is a truely repellant character trait. two faced-ness is not attractive in ANY form. I just don't understand where this underlying desperateness comes from...
It's doing things like this that just increases my general feeling of crapness about me. and adds to my TOTAL lack of surprise about my first class ability to keep people at arms length; it's for their own good.
Take your time before giving an opinion. Dammit. I'm a grown woman, I should know better by now...
it replaces, almost entirely, your livejournal blog on which you used to post up to three times a day!
Arrived late for Iaido, having only decided to go last minute. On the drive home from work I decided I would go, as a treat, but only after I'd done a change of address form. Damn glad I went though.
Spent a full half hour partnering the rather lovely Roger. Partnering meaning wrestling each other to the floor (he can wrestle me down there any time! ). The technical point of view of course was that we were doing Aikido as it was originally meant to be done. "Get your grubby hands off my Katana you oik!" etc Attempting variations of Shihonage and Kotegaeshi whilst trying to stop them drawing and attempting to draw lefthanded. (Just had to put that bit in there so this doesn't degenerate into a page long fantasy about my instructor )
aaanyway... I will wear the huge bruise on my shin with pride... He's a Jujitsu instructor as well as Iaido and couldn't resist putting the boot in occasionally. I think he appreciated having someone who could adapt and didn't mind when he changed moves, or possibly he just doesn't like me . I think I'll go with the former...
*insert picture of me grinning like a Cheshire cat*
Someone just told me I look too fragile to be a Martial Artist. awwww. I love you!!!
I tend to wander round in a slightly gloomy cloud sometimes feeling like an ersatz bloke because I study three martial arts, am completely flat-ches
Having taken up Kung Fu specifically to get the oportunity to learn attacking and timing skills, R now starts on Utemi. I must be psychic.
Apparantly NO-ONE other than M will be grading! Put down that banner and step _away_ from the politics Frac. Doesn't bother me in the slightest but it might upset others I'm told. I would have refused even if I'd been asked, I KNOW I'm not that good yet!! I will be but not yet
Great session last night despite getting a swipe to the nose that had my eyes watering... Partnering S was fun (it wasn't him that swiped me, just thought I'd point that out!), he's been off for a long time after putting his back out but now he's back and on form. Ah, where would I be without my Aikido men?! Any boyfriend I have (ah ha ha ha ha ah ahahahaha *cough* like when hell freezes over) will have to be very secure because I won't be giving these guys up any time soon!
At one point I did a great, slightly adapted, version of Irimi nage and Sensei asked if I thought it was good. I said no... I didn't really mean no I just felt like I had no centre, like it was purely timing. Oh Dear. I mean it was pretty good, I'm just preprogrammed (from where I don't know) to think that saying I'm good means =no further effort required= and I always have to watch that tendancy like a HAWK. I can always be better but my lazy arse gene has to be supressed.
I am getting there though thanks to Martial Arts and various other things...
is that he can take it (and even tells you how to make it MORE effective); when you're laying into him like he's just run over your cat. If there's one thing Aikido doesn't quite have it's the sparring/punch up aspect. All that non-confrontation stuff is good in a real situation but sometimes there is nothing that can replace a good thrashing in a controlled environment for keeping a girls sanity.
We were only doing a set 7 move pattern but it was great fun. I took a fair amount of punishment myself (partly from him doing the punches and partly from blocking incorrectly and getting my fingers bent back or my wrist crunched) so I was taking it as well as dishing it out!
Aikido on Wednesday was also good though. I took a white belt, who's going for his yellow belt, through his paces. L decided I should be his instructor for the night. I had a fairly easy ride of it as he's already of yellow belt standard easily but hopfully I gave him a few extra pointers. It was more of a challenge with T, one of our newest regulars. She kept turning the wrong way but I think I helped her as well. She's fierce with the pins mind which is great so long as she pays attention. Watch for the tapping out girl!
I think I prefer someone who you have to rein in (so long as they're not purposefully aggressive/destructive) to trying to get a bit of spirit out of someone who is constantly apologising or saying they can't do it, it just gives you something real to work with. Yes
I seem to be developing a major crush on my Iaido instructor! ah well. Although, if you think too hard it could get depressing, it's rather fun to have a bit of unrequited lust happening. Adds a certain delicious tang to a lesson, watching him perform seitei what ever... I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could wrestle him away from his girlfriend but I wont. Least not at this early stage!
*cough* anyway... enough of this inappropriate talk...
There's a seminar at the end of February and hopefully I will be going for my first Iaido Grading at the end of January so we're speeding along in Iaido.
Aikido (for me at least) will remain fairly level as the club is concentrating on getting "Club Uke" his first Dan grade! No bad thing mind you. The more general training I get the better!
I think I have pissed someone off as they go out of their way to avoid practising with me. I think I know why too. I will apologise if I can get her alone but other than that, not sure if I can do anything else about it. I know she got caught in the cross fire caused by the usual explosion of anger (from me) that happens when yet AGAIN I can't do the breakfall over things and injure myself in the process of trying. dammit.
I will have to look up some sort of meditation course, get a grip on Missus Angry Pants and learn to accept and try again rather than judging...constantly. Although I could start to practise Iaido at home once I have the space because it's basically