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I'm not nervous or anxious about tommorrow but I am concerned. I have this feeling. We're putting on a demo with another club, that's all well and good we share the same building, are in the same association, instructors are good friends yada yada.
What worries me is the content of the demo; everyone seems to be focused on weapons work. I'm sorry but Aikidoka just don't do Aikido demos all that well; they're always done as if Joe Blogs walking in off the street is an Aikidoka.
I feel this sense of real frustration because if I'm going to see a martial arts demo I want to see the art demonstrated; I don't want to see the training demonstrated. A thai boxer laying into a kick bag isn't all that interesting and the fact that you could get twenty karateka to do heian shodan in unison isn't all that impressive; I can get the local dance troop to do that and it would be no relflection on their martial skill.
It fails the "and what?" test. You can swing a stick around in a vaugely interesting manner, and what? You can do it in unison with a group of other people, and what? A demonstration is not entertainment; it's education; it's explaining to the layman why they should take up Aikido.
All is not lost, supposedly us kyu grades have to think of something we want to demonstrate on the basis that people expect dan grades to be good and want to see what kyu grades can do.
I might see if I can find a sixth kyu and spend 15 minutes teaching them to flatten me while I demons
I'm doing stuff, throwing guys that are so much bigger than me. When I try to throw them I can't, they wobble a bit and then they throw me.
But then I relax and I dance the technique; that's the only way I can describe it and they go flying. This massive groan comes out of them and I look around and they're in mid air and there's this look of shock in their eyes when they land.
The harder I try the less powerful I am. Then when I decide I'm gods gift to Aikido and that I can throw people just by touching them sure enough they go. Emotional state has so much to do with it.
I don't know how I do this though.
The only thing is I'm crap. Compared to my instructor and my seniors I'm rubbish.
Bear in mind as I write this that I've been drinking for 12 hours. Yeah.
So, as happens when we drink we started talking and one thing came out. We don't feel ready to teach. We don't feel qualified. At 1st kyu after seven years we doubt our ability to get someone up to 6th kyu level.