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Yep, we all get confused-- we fumble about with techniques with which we are unfamiliar. We furrow our brows and grimmace while we try to process subtleties-- or even the gross movements of certain waza , or variations of waza we already "know".
It is one thing to accept confusion and move on, it is another to keep yourself confused, by "thinking too much" (as my instructor's have described it) perhaps as some sort of excuse for not gaining immediate proficiency.
Yesterday I found myself in one of these confused states and discovered that I was actually inhibiting myself by holding too tightly to my confusion. Upon realizing this I tried to shift my attention from what I didn't understand about the technique to letting myself flow through the mindless familar elements. Of course, I did not execute the technique perfectly, but I felt myself absorb the basic differences much more rapidly than if I had tried to "think" it through.
There must come a point (perhaps in the mid/upper kyu ranks) when one has to begin trusting their training and body-memory more than their brain.
Some questions--- to question.
What is the difference between Brain and Mind?
Does the Mind exist in the Brain alone?
Can the Mind litterally be in the Hara or Center?
What does it mean to use the Mind as a shield?
What is the state of no-mindedness?
Where does the no-mind exist?
So I've missed a few days of practice. I don't think that I am alone in feeling a bit strange when I miss practice. Its probably like missing any workout. I feel more irritable, tight, slow.
I have had a chance to meditate-- just a few minutes a day. And I've been concentrating on my breathing while walking to and from work. These things combined with streatching, ki exercises, and katas help alieveate the symptoms of missing practice. They help me recenter and relax.
During these days off I have had some time to think about my Randori experience and how it relates to the world and my Self-Rebellion.
Chaos is nothing more
Than the reflection of our own confusion
And evidence of our inability to comprehend
The complexity and scale
Of the universe in its entirety.
Is it possible that the desire to find an order or pattern in chaos is what keeps us from rising above it, or flowing with it? This desire to find pattern is like trying to predict the future-- a distraction from the present.
The desire divides our minds--- we rethink the past-- we try to discover how it will inform the future-- the present passes. One must enter the present competely. Perhaps then multiple enemies become absorbed into one self-enemy-- perhaps then all things come into focus.
the trick then is entering the present.
If your heart is large enough to envelop your adversaries, you can
see right through them and avoid their attacks. And once you envelop