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Mary Eastland's Blog Blog Tools Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 08-29-2009 05:57 AM
Mary Eastland
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 44
Comments: 29
Views: 70,283

In General Calling my self back. Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #44 New 02-07-2016 04:18 PM
Our power circle is what it is for each of us.

Mine includes god, people in 12 step fellowships, Ron, members of my dojo and my daughters, my ancestors and angels, and people everywhere that are recovering from hurts.

On the show Longmire, the picture of the young woman on the couch describing her feelings as she was raped was me. I saw myself in her. She was in the exact position on her couch as I was on mine, with our blankets at the same place under our chins. She shook me to my center as she spoke for me. Ron suggested that we had had enough of that show for the night.

The next night we watched the woman call her self back. The old wise woman said that her self was taken from her. The wise old woman insisted that she call out "Morning Star, Come back." Morning Star dared to call herself back. "Morning Star," she called out, softly and bravely. "Come back."
Then she cried and her circle of women embraced her.

I thought to myself, "I could do that."

That night I prayed and hopped into bed and slept soundly. I awoke in the early morning hours. I noticed how comfy and safe I felt in my warm bed with Ron sleeping peacefully next to me. It occurred to me that it was time to call myself back. I called out softly and bravely, "Come back, Mary Catherine, come back." I fell back asleep. When I woke up in the morning I could feel her. Mary Catherine is back. I am so grateful.

I am sharing this with my circle. I know that my circle includes all who been hurt ...More Read More
Views: 44

In General Training while injured Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #43 New 01-31-2016 02:37 PM
With Megan breaking her foot and Charlie not falling because a very sore knee we have been focusing on training with the body you have on any given day. Why should we wait until we feel perfectly healthy to train?

As Morihei Ueshiba said, "Heaven is right where you are standing and that is the place to train."
I see this to mean we can train anywhere and at any time and to mean that by accepting our body, mind and spirit as they are in the now we do the best we can with conditions at hand.

I have seen Anne train with remnants of a migraine and I regularly train when I am triggered to near panic. Linda, the oldest living member of the dojo, has trained through dental work and a very sore shoulder. Dora's back was very sore this week so she moved more slowly but not anymore deliberately that she always does.

We are all welcome on the mat unless we are contagious or throwing up because we all know there is absolutely no "hurling" on the mat.
Views: 86 | Comments: 2

In General Dad, Too. Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #42 New 01-17-2016 03:33 PM
It seems wrong to write a haiku for my dad in Aikido class. Like copying, maybe. Mom would not approve: too inclusive. I am going to do it anyway.

1st attempt:
You are big and strong and red-faced,
Blue eyes, above a white gi,
Can you roll?

I feel the fear in my gut as I write that. You are invited, dad; you seem too big for my dojo.

2nd attempt:
Leave anger with your shoes,
bow in,
Your athleticism is welcome.

My dad did not seem to understand aikido. Maybe he did though. He probably knew a lot more than I thought he did. I never listened to him or valued his experiences.

3rd attempt:
Here -- grab my wrist.
No. Go practice with Ron.
He will help you.
He might hurt me and I will lose all the strength I have gained here.

4th attempt:
Good job, Dad. Relax more.
No. I am not ready yet.
Practice with someone else.

How can writing this feel so scary? He has been dead for 20 years. Words feel scarce and I want to stop.

Last attempt for now.
I see your soul in my grandson's blue eyes,
I do love you. Here grab my jo.
No Closer.

It's a start. Tears well in my eyes and my heart opens a speck.
Views: 118

In General haiku for my mother -- maybe not Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #41 New 01-01-2016 01:50 PM
The self-assigned writing project for the 21st anniversary of my mom's death includes the following criteria:
1. I must write a haiku for my mother.
2. I will write about what my mom would have been like in Aikido class.
3. Use the new skill of the "em-dash."
4. Combine all this in a little blog entry.

Definition of Haiku: A Japanese poem of 17 syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five, traditionally invoking the images of the natural world.

1st attempt at a haiku for my mother -- about my mother training in Aikido.

The gi is tight and white,
I must look big.
I won't go.

The first attempt has little hope. I will try again.

2nd attempt:
Smoldering rage
Pressed down between thin lips.
Reversed with tenkan. No Hope.

There. That was cheery. I have abandoned the 17 syllables in perfect form for now because the process is hard enough because of the subject matter.

I can't seem to wrap my mind around my mother in an aikido class.

When I picture her -- and this makes me well with tears—she is sitting in her green recliner, wearing her wood brown Timberline lace up shoes, white anklets showing under a too short, faded, blue jay colored cotton pantsuit, her curly white hair slicked back with a plastic head band, her reading glasses frame clear blue eyes, her chubby sun-spotted hands folded on her lap as she sits under a cloud of despondency.

Definition of despondency: a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope or courage.

That wo ...More Read More
Views: 178 | Comments: 2

In General The whimsy of the season tickled class Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #40 New 12-20-2015 01:35 PM
The whimsy of the season tickled class this Saturday morning. During the last class before our holiday break I found it hard to be serious and laughed at every opportunity. Celebration for me is around fellowship and shared experiences. Our class was filled with fun and good cheer. Megan was missed and Jocelyn was wished a speedy recovery as we quietly celebrated Anne's birthday.

After class Dora sang a lovely Polish birthday song wishing Anne a hundred more years. May you all live a hundred more years in peace and joy. Our next class will be on December 29th. Come enjoy a little harmony and sweat to help keep sane during this holiday season.
Views: 179

In General Holiday present Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #39 New 12-11-2015 07:09 AM
Thursday night in class I felt out of sorts: awkward and self-conscious…half a bubble off. After class I felt anxious. While chatting about class with Ron I felt unworthy of being a teacher ever again. I tend to lean to extremes especially when I am tired.

Saturday morning I was supposed to be the first teacher. I told Ron he should just teach the whole class. He called me out saying that it was my turn to start and I needed to do it.

And I did. I started class with a drill I called "Halt". I demonstrated a complicated kokyu nage from a yokemen attack and challenged us all to say "halt" every time we had a thought. Then we were to voice the thought and start again.

As we trained together (there were ten of us on the mat) I heard many "halts" and much communication and some chuckles as ukes and nages worked together to let go of thought and just train.

I noticed again that when I let go and just be… Aikido happens. My ideas are creative, challenging and interesting. The group benefits from a teacher's lack of self-consciousness. Self-centered fear inhibits creativity and spontaneity.

An aikido class is a like a merrily wrapped holiday present. As we pay close attention the experience reveals itself to us bit by bit.
Views: 144

In General F*%# everything and run? Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #38 New 12-04-2015 06:18 PM
Before Aikido there was fear, constant fear, unrecognized fear, paralyzing fear,and unconscious fear. Fear manifested itself in buildings not entered, encounters avoided, and many drinks taken way past the point of where drinking was helpful. Fear prohibited conversation, stifled movement and restricted involvement.

After aikido fear got different. Fear was noticed, acknowledged, breathed through, talked about and released though training and sometimes through tears. On the aikido mat fear was met again and again in a safe, supported and controlled environment.
FEAR. Face everything and recover. Fear is slipping away.
Views: 184

In General aikido in lists Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #37 New 11-21-2015 08:28 PM
Aikido is stillness, motion, up, down, straight in, circular, soft, hard, fluid, choppy, hands on and moving with the energy.

We turn, bend, roll, blend, slide, hop, lean, straighten, near, extend, exhale and inhale.

The mat is there, near, soft, firm, rough and smooth.

We find peace here, and strength, connection and health. We find something inside ourselves that makes life simply matter more. We find others here, and we see them in a way that can't be seen anywhere else. We see their souls, their bodies, their movement and their stillness. We see all of them and then we see all of ourselves.
Views: 164

In General I turn and I blend.... Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #36 New 11-11-2015 02:11 PM
I turn and I blend and I see and I turn and I blend and I feel.

I turn and I blend and I cry and I turn and I blend and I stay.

I turn and I blend and I feel and I turn and I blend and I stay.

I turn and I blend and I see you and I turn and I blend and I feel you.

I turn and I blend and I complain about you and I turn and I blend and I stay.

I turn and I blend and I stay and I stay and I stay.

I turn and I blend and I and you become us.

Views: 200

In General Halloween is in the air. Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #35 New 10-25-2015 06:57 PM
Halloween is in the air What does nage do when uke comes out from behind another uke? Throw them, of course, using all the energy that circular movement provides.

Let's do a freestyle with our eyes closed and see what happens when we move first and then move again and keep moving.

Then I introduced my new kata tori kote geishe with short choppy steps instead of a sweeping tenkan...very ineffective because uke's balance never get's taken.
However, in freestyle it is often attempted and never works. No wonder people get so winded.

Halloween hi jinks continued into Ron's part of class when Dora and I experienced a mutual fall because we got confused who was nage and who was uke. We looked at each other and laughed. An instant replay was called for and we good naturally obliged.
Views: 175

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