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Here is question I was asked by my sisay...Your unkimi has gotton better, is that becaue of fear or pratice?
My answer was I do not know, he replyles with, I think fear.
This has stared me thinking, is it better to alow fear to lead your actions or to alow the logic of the brain to lead your actioms? I suppose this is kinda of an age old question.. whether the heart or the head should lead.
Fear thow is odd in its nature becaue it comes or seems to come form both the head and the heart. In that the head cause the fear offten by relizing what could happen and that the result is unwelcome, in fact decing that the oucum is ither welcme or unwelcom. However, it comes form the heart in that it is offen fear that cause the irational behaviors we find ourselves requrting letter.
I was thinking on his question, becvaue I never relly thought about fear being a motavtor , defently a inhibtor but not a motavator. The more I thought about it the more I relized in a way he was right , I was lead by fear. Fear that doing someing wrong would reslut in this. I wonder thow if the gole of Akido might be to move beonynd the fear as the movator and into a relam of simply knowing. Porhaps away then from the hart and in to mind.
As always pless let me know your thogghts ... I sure this one has many sides. Thankyou for reading.
I am a 6th kue, I know basic stuff and can figure out others but I am slow. Right now we are rellly trying perpare 2 of the dojo family to get there black belts, Infact they are going take the test in October. Welll , my delmia is that I know suck big time! I relly want to try and with some exsptions, I am eggero to lurn , thow they seem to to be tryed of teaching. I amit I am still quite scared of Koushes/high falls, mostly becaue I not sure hwo to do my part enoff to not get hurt, then there the whole trusting the other person. Other then that I will try, unless I have no idea how to do it then I just wnat to wantch so I can try to figure out what I am doing. I admit that lattly this happens , musch more then I like , it probly seem as if I am not relly perticpaating. Most of my dojo know that I have Asburgers, which means basicaly for me there is alot more to overcome and lot more that I notice that no one else seems bothered by. All, this is to say I am 6th kue but I , am still verry much a beginner, and dont even know how to be a good ukimi taker on much of the tecques. That bing siad we are doing alot of group ating of the 2 black belt caindits and I feel liek I am such a bad person to attack, half the time I barly know how to my side right , so what good am I to them? lattly I taken to just no pertacipating, sisays says they need my help, and that I need pratice my ukimie. Now I not trying to question him and I do as he says , but relly how am I helping them?
SO... my dojo is kinda small I mean we proplbly have 20 people in a given class. So, we kinda close , thow I think akidio may lend itself that way ingernal.
I not one to say I feel like I belong anywhere , but I kidna feeling connected more times then not to people and to this dojo. Inharnely to the art of akiod as well.
Last class I was feeling like for the most part I was like that unwelcom fly. You know the one that you can't help but notice , but you relly want gone , but also cant get rid of , and cant relly be bothered to chase it.
I even thin I broke my thumb doing a role.
I wondering is how you tell in genral when it is you that needs to change and when it is the other peroson. I furhter exsprlate this to akido , by I not sure when to flow with the person and when to resist.
Last night was led by one of what I would call our "higher" students, that is to say she is a nedone(2 degreeblack belt, not sure I spelt that correct). Well she stared class anyway, she handed it off ot a , unand coming brown belt, he will be testing soon, and also latter to a fellow one whom will also be testing soon, october to be percise.
Anyway, the class atmosfer was one of all lurning, while to me they all are my suprior on the mate, even the 14 and 15 year olds, for they all are more expreced then myself. However, I recon I fond it hobling to watch and exprece a class where the whole time was more like everone helping everyone to lurn, no rank noted. I mean do not get me worng noone ever asked to more they then can, but more like equeles and eveyone with limitations intact.
This is not to say that normaly we are obsed with rank, my dojo is not so much, but espely lattly because we are trying 2 people to be black belts, we kinda are. Also , not that I think he demades it persay, when sisay is there it's defenly , as it shold be , he is teacher and we are students. It's a diffent exprence when we are all the student.
I have alredy lurned while on the mate age, sex, race all fade intill they are all but gone, only a gost remaing. In that you are equesls. Even other socail handcaps and ocwardness seems to feed , thow for me that one is hardest to leave. However, at lest at my dojo most of the time I do feel safe. It has been siad before that Akido leds its