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[The sidebar on the AikiWeb forums shortened the title of my post from "Tripping over my own BRAIN" to: "Tripping over my own bra..." That would be a hilarious post, but this one is about my brain. Not nearly so funny. Maybe next time...]
First, the seminar with Nadeau Sensei was great. Enlightening, engaging, educational, and very entertaining. More on that another time.
Right now tonight's class (training day 16), or rather how I did in tonight's class, is the subject. Poorly would be a kind word for it. I couldn't get anything right for the life of me. Things I've done OK before, I got backwards, inside out, and upside down. Things I finally did right just a second ago, were wrong all over again now.
It was like I couldn't grasp what I was seeing or being told. I would swear the inside leg swept backward, but when I'd get to that point in the technique, my inside leg was already back, and what I thought I knew to do next didn't make any sense at all. So then what do you do?
And when you don't do it right the first n times, the n+1th time isn't any better. It feels like rushing through learning a song. When you learn to play or sing a song, you have to learn what's going to be coming next at each point. If you get to a point in the tune, and have to stop and check every time to see what follows, you never learn the tune. You learn to stop and check. You have to be able to think, during the line about the tree, that the next line i
I will be participating in a seminar this weekend - "Aikido as an Art of Harmony" with Robert Nadeau Shihan, at Aikido of San Diego (www.aikidosd.com). Not a huge deal, but from the "Aikido as a laboratory for life" perspective, it's a big deal for me. Having a goal with a deadline tends to focus one's attention and efforts far better than simply "getting better at this, someday" would.
Before I ever stepped onto a mat I did a lot of reading and learning while healing from a minor hand injury. Once I was OK to do physical stuff I found a dojo. Then I spent several weeks recovering from the Very Long Cold From Hell. I finally started training in May. I expected a lot from Aikido, and it's proving to be much more than that, even.
I've gotten through a few muscle injuries, a shoulder injury, and the stunning realizations that a) I was in no kind of good shape At All, and b) I really can be, if I just work at it. I've done PT, gotten massages (not the happy fun kind), and started working with a personal trainer to set up a personalized workout plan. I've made progress in leaps and bounds, compared to what I'd previous thought I could achieve.
One of my short-term goals has been to be in good enough shape to participate in this weekend's seminar. I have been rolling and falling in Aikido classes, with no problems. I've been very careful not to injure/reinjure myself, and have been doing everything I can to heal well, and quickly. Since getting back on the mat. I've been
I am going for my first consultation with a personal trainer tomorrow. www.fitnesswithoutwalls.com She's going to help me come up with a "real world" workout program I can do on my own. The goal is to be in better shape for Aikido and horseback riding (and everything else, generally), and to prevent injuries by making sure I'm doing things correctly.
I've set up a kind of blog-thing about that, with photos of places and equipment I have for working out, my goals, etc. If you're interested, you can find it here: http://fitforfun.tumblr.com/
I'll keep right on blogging here about Aikido, of course.
Boy, what a contrast... If you've been keeping up (not that I would expect anyone to), you know that I injured my shoulder a while back. Through the miracle of PT, massage, ice, exercise, rest, ice, stretching, ice, and time, it is better. I got the OK on Monday of last week to go back to rolling/falling, with the admonition to not land on the top of my shoulder ever again.
Last Tuesday my brain was not ready to roll at all. I couldn't even picture what a decent roll would look like. Stupid brain.
So this Tuesday I figure I'd manage to start back to rolling, which I was doing reasonably well before my injury (thank goodness for that, so I had some good mental point of reference). Alas, Tuesday's class comes around, and I really couldn't bring myself to get to do it. I also couldn't seem to do anything else right in class. Very frustrating. And everyone I worked with was trying to be very helpful. And usually they are helpful. (I'm regularly amazed at how good everyone is at teaching, even 6th/5th kyu people.) But on Tuesday I couldn't make heads nor tails of many of the techniques, so repeating them was just annoying, because I was repeating the wrong thing, or doing it differently each time. I was so disappointed with myself that I went home and by gosh practiced re-learning how to roll (very gently and slowly) in the living room floor.
That finally seemed to remind my brain a little that "See,
I've been a bit slow putting together enough connected thoughts about it to make a proper blog post. Now I'm just giving up and blurting out some unconnected things.
First, I got a surprise at my PT appt on Monday. My PT was very happy, told me to cancel my upcoming appointment, and gave me the go-ahead to roll, fall, and whatever else I want to do. "But if you land on that shoulder again, don't come crying to me."
Class was on Tuesday. I figured it would be best to start with rolling practice (solo only, I mean), and just do back rocking-falls (not all the way over) as uke. I wasn't quite confident enough to do forward rolls out of techniques. That seemed like a conservative and rational plan.
Strange though, how our brains are not rational. I say "easy, soft rolls that I was doing quite happily and with confidence before I got injured, so no problem." Brain, on the other hand, says "Uh, no way. We're gonna die." So I was thinking too much, and being too cautious and tense, and nothing worked well (except the sitting-backwards-and-rocking-back kinds of falls). I couldn't do a simple slow back roll to save my life. Have you seen that Garfield (the cat) cartoon where John (the owner) asks Garfield how he manages all 4 feet when he walks, and Garfield gets to thinking about it, and then can't walk because he's so confused? It felt like that.
Well, OK, I did *one* back roll very nicely after class, but when