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Onna Bugeisha Blog Tools Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 07-22-2009 02:01 PM
From a big fish in a small pond to a tiny fish in a big sea.
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 86
Comments: 159
Views: 198,022

Entries for the Month of July 2010

In General I see more clearly now....... Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #67 New 07-28-2010 12:37 PM
It has been forever since I last posted an entry to my blog. My lack of writing is not due to lack of training, it is probably more like lack of inspiration or just pure laziness. Lately, I've found that I am seeking a deeper understanding of my training and a blog simply stating "I did kotegaeshi today." just seems to barely scratch the surface. Since I am a scientist, I find analyzing things a natural task. Unfortunately, my analysis has not concluded any findings worth reporting (thus far).

Training is continuing like usual. I go to class, try my best and walk away still feeling like I haven't taken one step forward. I think I'm getting there, but I feel like I am still at the point where I am thinking about taking that next step, but haven't actually put those thoughts into action yet. Or maybe, it is more like my foot is hovering ever so slightly above the mat. Maybe I have taken that step forward, but I haven't committed to it or made that step final by putting my foot down. You can't really take a step forward if you aren't willing to make contact with the earth again. The lack of finality really has me questioning myself. Am I holding myself back and if so, what is it that I'm allowing to keep me where I am?

Every so often, someone mentions "You need to test." or "You are way overdue to test." Gah, I have heard that so many times it doesn't even affect me anymore. If sensei were to give me a date to test, sure, I would jump back into panic mode, ...More Read More
Views: 1770 | Comments: 6

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