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Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai Blog Tools Rating: Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-24-2005 10:53 PM
One small gal + a dojo full of big guys = tons o' fun
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 270 (Private: 12)
Comments: 195
Views: 744,977

In General Budo as Escapism, Revisited Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #126 New 04-27-2004 02:52 PM
Not that I want to freak people out or anything, but...

I spent lunch alone today to get away from the office and while at turns eating and ruminating, it occurred to me how absolutely numb I feel throughout the workday. Don't get me wrong, I don't go about in a daze or anything, nor am I completely unemotional --- I do my job and interact with folks genuinely and with awareness. It's just that as I sat there, I was getting this feeling --- one that I've had in the past as well --- kind of like everything that happens during the workday is a dream. The more I thought about it, the politics of it, the protocols, the bureaucratic nonsense and the stoic masks people wear to play the game don't seem to be real at all. I've compartmentalized my feelings about work so much that whatever idealistic notions I had coming into it have been shoved aside and boxed in by my own cynicism.

It's not until I get into the dojo and onto the mats that things become real. I mean, the sweat and exertion is real, the pain is real. They remind me that I'm alive. And I in turn strongly exert the proof of my own existence with my own Toushi, my martial spirit. I'll bow in, focus, and nothing else outside those walls matters. All I can say is thank God for this part of my life, and the ability to challenge my limits and express my own spirit in this way. In addition, Aikido's philosophy of blending has served me well in being able to deal with those people at work who hurt others, and at the same time progressively support those others who have been hurt.
Views: 1281 | Comments: 5

RSS Feed 5 Responses to "Budo as Escapism, Revisited"
#5 05-07-2004 03:02 PM
Kelly Allen Says:
Here Here!
#4 05-07-2004 03:01 PM
Kelly Allen Says:
#3 05-07-2004 03:00 PM
Kelly Allen Says:
Here Here!
#2 05-05-2004 10:05 AM
jducusin Says:
Kelly, I guess my biggest fear with all of this compartmentalizing of my feelings is that I'll go completely numb and cynical. In a way, I envy the "mechanical monotony", so to speak, of your job --- I suppose you can always distract yourself (like by going on Aikiweb ) but in my own job the problem is more with people I work with, and of course, those people are tough to avoid. Sometimes I really wish folks would try to "blend" more with each other!
#1 04-27-2004 04:05 PM
Kelly Allen Says:
Jamie that is so eerily similar to a page in my life. Work is just a blur of rail cars and requests from people without faces. No feeling or attachment to the work other than the paycheck it produces every two weeks. It's like getting paid to be in lala land for eight hours a day five days a week. At home I am mindlessly turning my attentions from resolving one problem or chore after another. It is only in the dojo where I can bow away everyone elses problems and requests and truely look to working on myself. At least this type of escapism is better than spending your free time, as many other people do, in front of a TV or Computer game. Aikido is much more constructive. I just wish I had the free time thing going on. Kelly

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