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Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > AikiWeb AikiBlogs > Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai

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Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai Blog Tools Rating: Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-24-2005 10:53 PM
jducusin
Offline
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One small gal + a dojo full of big guys = tons o' fun
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 272 (Private: 12)
Comments: 195
Views: 588,605

In General Feeling Back to Normal Again Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #100 New 02-18-2004 10:58 PM
...and thank goodness.

I spoke to an older friend of mine at work yesterday about how things have been going, practicing for the Gokkyu test. She's an energy healer and a former Shodan in Judo, and had some insightful things to say --- rather, she helped point me in the right direction.

"This isn't about being perfect," she said. "this is about where you are right now." And she's right. I realized that I needed to stop nitpicking and just let myself do what I naturally do, to the best of my ability. "My body instinctively knows how to move when I'm completely focused," I said. She then told me that I already know for myself the answer that I seek. "So what do you need to do?" she asked me. I paused and thought for a moment. Then it occured to me. All of a sudden, it seemed so simple. I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed it before. "I need to breathe. I got all pent up yesterday during the test run-through because I stopped paying attention to my breathing."

So I did. We ran through my test first tonight. And guess what? It worked! It no longer felt as labourous or clumsy as before. It felt so...free. And a couple of times, when things didn't happen with uke quite the way you'd normally expect, I laughed. It was great!

For the rest of the night, I worked on Katatedori Koshinage [note to self: remember to touch the floor with your free hand] with my Sempais (who practiced Shomenuchi Gokkyo in Suwari Waza on me --- aka "ouch, that's nasty!") and Katatedori Shihonage with our newest student.

Countdown:
Two more days to test time...and it's no longer me feeling like, "let's just get this bloody thing over with" --- I'm actually starting to look forward to it.
Views: 445 | Comments: 2


RSS Feed 2 Responses to "Feeling Back to Normal Again"
#2 02-20-2004 09:47 AM
jducusin Says:
Thanks for the encouragement from both you and your Sensei, Kelly --- sorry I missed that post; things have been so hectic playing "catch up" with work that I haven't been dwelling on AikiWeb much these days. I'll try to find it right away. I don't know if it was so much "not feeling ready" as it was just "stage fright" --- although I've done a lot of performing in the past (mostly musical, and as part of a group) as well as a great deal of solo public speaking over the past 16 years, I had never before had to do something completely physical all by myself for an "official audience". I think that I was more afraid of messing up when it mattered most than anything else. Thankfully, all I needed was just to really breathe --- that got me right in focus (instead of thinking, "eek! I'm being watched and evaluated!") and let my body just do it's thing. My friend really is great; she's the kind of mentor who asks more questions than she gives answers, and thus lets you figure things out for yourself --- a method that I highly respect. I'm also proud to say that just the other day at work, I was also able to return the favour and also give her some words of encouragement as well.
#1 02-19-2004 12:09 AM
Kelly Allen Says:
I agree with your friend. Read comment in your third last post from me. BTW my sensei concurs. Relax, have fun, and come back as a Gokyu. You have a highly respected, and extremely talented Sensei. He wouldn't let you test if he didn't think you were ready. Kelly
 




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