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So I've been training for 2 1/2 months now, or I should say training at ASL again. I took a break in 95, then started again in 2000 at SFSU. Injuries, rather serious chronic ones to both my knees have prevented me from being the martial artist I want to be. My fault. I used to feel like 'no pain no gain' and 'mind over body' were good motto's. Now I know better. So I can't be the ~martial~ artist I'd like to be, and sometimes it makes training hard.
It sucks to say 'sorry I can't do that one.' or to back off when someone bows to me, then sit off to the side and watch while others train. I have been over protective of my knees for the last 8 years, now I need to push myself, but I don't know what is a healthy push to the limit and what is getting me back to the gonzo martial mindset that got me injured in the first place.
I have a test coming up soon. 9 years overdue. A fellow aikidoka joked about my serious racking of hours without a test. Anymore I don't know if I even want to test. I don't feel I deserve the rank if I can't perform all of the test requirements the way everyone does.
There are people who were at the dojo when I first left who were happy to see me return. I feel like I let them down by not being able to engage them the way I used to before the injury. I feel frustrated when I want to join in and worry that one small mistake and I'm out for weeks yet again.
I'd like to find a middle ground. I want to train and feel like I am part of my dojo. My
How lucky I was to sit and witness the coming together of so many different skillful people. In the morning it was weapons at Chabot park. Everyone was training in an opening surrounded by eucalyptus and redwoods on a day of perfect weather. There was a lot of clacking of wooden weapons and varying ki-ai's. At the end we all circled up and introduced ourselves with name and dojo affiliation. So many people from so many different places. Nevada, Texas, Hawaii, So-Cal, Germany.
Later, back at the dojo there was a very entertaining children's demonstration, and then on to the adult sempai. It was really fascinating to see the unique physical signature of each demonstrator. Eric Winters sensei, Michael McVey Sensei, Bill Essig, and others were each highly skilled in their own right, but each had their own piece of what was passed from O'Sensei, to Saito Sensei, to Hendricks Sensei.
Still there were those who gave small classes. Robert Nadeau sensei, Jack Wada sensei, Kayla Feder sensei, Danielle Smith sensei, and Vince Salvatore sensei all came to contribute. They too had their own grasp of O'Sensei's teaching. It really reinforced to me that it's all legitimate, it's all aikido. Stan Pranin was there as well. He gave a lecture on O'Sensei and discussed a study that he was doing through old film and photos of O'Sensei. Wada sensei and Linda Holiday sensei performed a shinto purification ritual. Very cool. We all sat seiza and participated in spirit while Wada sensei and