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It seems wrong to write a haiku for my dad in Aikido class. Like copying, maybe. Mom would not approve: too inclusive. I am going to do it anyway.
1st attempt:
You are big and strong and red-faced,
Blue eyes, above a white gi,
Can you roll?
I feel the fear in my gut as I write that. You are invited, dad; you seem too big for my dojo.
2nd attempt:
Leave anger with your shoes,
bow in,
Your athleticism is welcome.
My dad did not seem to understand aikido. Maybe he did though. He probably knew a lot more than I thought he did. I never listened to him or valued his experiences.
3rd attempt:
Here -- grab my wrist.
No. Go practice with Ron.
He will help you.
He might hurt me and I will lose all the strength I have gained here.
4th attempt:
Good job, Dad. Relax more.
No. I am not ready yet.
Practice with someone else.
How can writing this feel so scary? He has been dead for 20 years. Words feel scarce and I want to stop.
Last attempt for now.
I see your soul in my grandson's blue eyes,
I do love you. Here grab my jo.
No Closer.
It's a start. Tears well in my eyes and my heart opens a speck.