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Last Monday I finally had the time and opportunity to attend my first class in what seems like forever.
I have just begun studying physics and between that and my job, I haven't had much time to spend with my girlfriend, my friends or myself for that matter. And all these things, including Aikido has suffered.
I find myself lacking the energy and joy that I usually have no problem finding, and that is simply not acceptable.
After a lot of thought I have decided that something has to be done in order for me to start functioning again properly.
As a Danish citizen I have the priviledge of getting paid for studying, and this government scholarship is just about big enough to get the bills paid.
Because of this I have decided to prioritize, and the only thing I am willing to sacrifice is my job. This means that tomorrow is my last day on the job, and instead I will be concentrating on studying.
This is not the first time I have spent as a full-time student, so this is not entirely new for me, but I still feel a bit anxious about the outcome.
One thing I do know, on the other hand, is that this last week where I have taken a couple of days off, has been the best week this year. I have had more energy and I have been a lot happier and less frustrated. All the things I love, but usually cant find the time to do, I have done and the effect have been enormous.
So last Monday's class was great, even though I haven't felt as useless in a very long time. I had trouble remembering the simplest techniques, and I felt really ashamed that I had been so inactive for so long.
The class was almost entirely a weapons class with Sensei, 3 Sempai and myself. I have always felt welcome and the atmosphere is always good, but I'm still not comfortable being the only kyu grade student in the room. As always I was blown away by the Iaido/Aikido Toho katas the more experienced students did (and I attempted). Even though I have done very little weapons practice, it definitely is one of my favorite classes.
Standing there with a bokken in my hand doing kata and watching the others always brings a chill down my spine.