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Worst Class yet, but I still learned a lot.
My allergies kicked in half way through class, and I sneezed about 200 times.
Sensei came over and was helping us get where we were supposed to be on the mat so that we did not throw into the middle. I was listening, and thinking and pointing, and he thought I was correcting him. (Which I wouldn't think of doing..) So he told me that we never disagree with a Sempi.
Later when I was working with one of the black belts, he came by and was helping the black belt with some footwork, and he said; "That will also help your uke with his Ukemi". I then said; "and I can use it, my ukemi sucks". Sensei let go of the Yodansha and came over and looked at me. "We do not make negative judgment statements about others in the dojo, nor about ourselves". I withered under his gaze, and said; "Thank you sensei."
Then I was working with another white belt. (My first time ever doing that), I thought that we were doing ok. Trying to get the whole Tenshi Nage thing down was really hard along with the foot work. I was also trying to stay centered, drop my center, lead with my earth hand, stretch my heaven hand up, figure out when you earth hand became miraculously in back of the uke, etc. Sensei came over, and said; "Blanco and Blanco, white and white, less throw, more flow." I think I was playing too rough.
Wait it gets worse:
In the circle at the end of class, Bob one of the Yodansha had said that he was having a really hard time tonight. Now from where I sit wearing a white belt, Bob looks like a god. When I work with him he throws me, and it just feels like right that I go where I am supposed to. So I asked him after class if he wanted to could he explain this to me. He said that he was having problems with getting flow in the move that we were doing. I offered to uke for him. We worked on it for several throws. Then Bob taught me about Tai No Henko, and what the energy feels like when you do it. This was amazing. I then did it several times with pointer from Bob, and I got something that felt a lot more correct. It felt like magic! As Bob came forward at my center, I stepped out of the way of his energy, while at the same time connecting with his center, kind of taking it away. We worked on more of the Teshi Nage; I noticed that when Bob looked at his feet, (Where he felt that he was not flowing, that I could feel the stopping of the flow, NOT THAT I CAN FLOW AT ALL, but I could feel the difference. When he focused on me, he got it really flowing, (I had to be careful, not to go winging away…). So I though I would distract him at the last minute. (I know this was really stupid, but it seemed like a good idea at the time…) So I kihaed at the instant I grabed his wrists. It was supposed to be something small little but not so small that I seemed like a whimp or something. And I was trying to coordinate it with grabbing Bob. It came out really loud, really sharp, the whole room instantly stopped turned to look at us. Bob of course having no idea that I was going to do anything that strange, stopped too, and I ran right into him. Man was I embarrassed.
Sensei told us a quote from O Sensei tonight about not being attracted to or repulsed from an outcome. Just staying centered on a golden bridge, with your ki energy flowing through your center to the earth. This struck me as being very applicable to something that is occurring in another part of my life. I can feel myself off balance when I am drawn toward the outcome that I want, and repulsed by the outcome that I fear.