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ikkainogakusei's Blog Blog Tools Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-12-2003 09:07 PM
ikkainogakusei
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Status: Public
Entries: 17
Comments: 33
Views: 20,703

In General touch, intimacy, gender Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #3 New 02-26-2003 07:36 PM
Having responded to a thread on something similar, I tought I'd jot down my thoughts on this subject.

Touch had been a challenge for me as much of the touch I experienced growing up was of the violent sort.

When I was about 22, a friend had made a passing obsrevation about another friend saying "He closes his eyes when he hugs people." and I noticed that I didn't. Not only that, but I tried to and found it very difficult. I'm actually huggy, but I have a difficult time feeling comfortable closing my eyes.

Since Aikido started out in the martial context, it was easy to engage. Like it was easier for me to wrestle with someone than to dance with them. That sort-of play struggle was easier. After a while, it became clearer that there was potential for more connection. I guess it was when I reached the point in which I could train with a fair amount of energy (strength/speed) with someone and improvise, and then suddenly there was this spontaneous choreography, and it felt like dancing . Afterward, we'd cool down with kokyu dosa, and it felt really cool.

So I never wanted to have sex with my training partner, but I enjoyed the connective-play.

I see others and have trained with them, and I sometimes get the idea that they are trying to get as far away from their body as possible and I want to ask them why, but it isn't my place, nor is it my path. Still, I wonder.

I also wonder why some people require that all subscribe to the idea that if a woman enjoys conversation/training/whathaveyou with a man, she must want sex or a romantic relationship with him? What about their past or mindset makes this a hard and fast rule?
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